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Winning Cute

Chelsea FC

Chelsea FC

Chelsea FCQueens Park Rangers 0      Chelsea 1


It doesn’t matter in sports how cute you are….sometimes you have to win the ugly way. Scoreboard, and all that.

So today (as I transcribe these notes from my Egyptian Stationary Company stenographer’s notebook onto the pages whirling through my Adler J5 typewriter whirl as the hipsters sipping their coffee-infused creme ale watch and observe with a studied curiosity) it was all played out ugly at Loftus Road. QPR was hell-bent on ugly from the off. Joey Barton led that charge…no cultured français in his play.

And thus, it took Chelsea 88 minutes to finally bust on through with a superb goal from Fàbregas off on Hazard’s perfect set-up.

On paper, on television, the match looked ugly, and for the most part was ugly. But that goal was a rare thing of beauty, of cuteness if you will.

And after that the sun went back behind the clouds. And the match played out until referee Andrew Marriner finally tired of the proceedings after 5 minutes and change of 3 minutes stoppage time at the end.



Chelsea FC

Chelsea FC“Well done, Lewis! That’s a clean sweep.”


I’m not sure that Lewis Hamilton’s 4th win at the Chinese Grand Prix this weekend constitutes winning cute. But I suppose it’s about as cute as is achievable these days. Hamilton pretty much sailed through the weekend and it’s no surprise that he won.

So far this season, I haven’t sensed as much of the seething hatred between Hamilton and his teammate and buddy from hell Nico Rosberg this season as there was last year. And of course, Rosberg finished second as expected, and were joined on the podium by Sebastian Vettel who should have played his french horn because THAT would have have been totally cute!

Speaking of totally cute, you might have noticed the imagery that adorns this missive. It’s my android girlfriend, Chelsea, from this new game I’m playing called MOE Can Change! ((And once again, chimpskulls, Moe is pronounced Mo-eh. It’s a Japanese term that encompasses cute, sweet, vulnerable, adorable and every variation thereof in one irresistible package)). The game allows you to create and raise your own perfect girl ((and you know you want to)). You can change her looks and personality, dress her up in cute outfits, and even take her on a date!!

So there is a way of winning cute, after all.



Danica makes the Chase“Y’all should know that us NASCAR fans don’t have any fashion sense.”


There was, nor could there be, anything cute about winning last night’s Duck Commander 500 at the Texas Motorspeedway. The damned ability of Jimmie Johnson and the evil machinations of  blah blah blah….fuck them!

Even if Danica Patrick had won it, it still would not have been cute. If she’d have won it would been because she raced the way QPR played Chelsea today, and got a result. Tough, ugly and hard.

Well, maybe, like Cesc’s goal, there would have been a moment of cuteness in Victory Lane as she donned the cowboy hat and six-shooters and made like Jessie from Toy Story 2.

If the Chase started now, Danica would be 1 point short of making the Chase. So cuteness will have to wait.


Danica Patrick



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