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The Thrilling Tales Of The Galactic Pretty Boys, Part 2

Music is what give you wings, young man.

Sebastian Vettel won the F1 Championship in 2010, the youngest driver ever to do so…the youngest driver since Lewis Hamilton, who is now the 2nd youngest driver to have ever won the F1 Championship. Despite stellar performances during the season, Vettel never led the points until the checkered flag dropped at Abu Dhabi. He came into the final race in third place, took the pole and dominated the race to win….but he still needed some hard luck to befall teammate Mark Webber and nemesis Fernando Alonso (who came into Abu Dhabi with the lead and left in 2nd after some tactical errors and other bollocks). And the hard luck rained down about Webber and Alonso like grace-notes from an angelic horn. And when all was said and done, Sebastien Vettel was crowned the champ.

Now I’m not sure if Vettel’s fresh-faced youthfulness qualifies him as a pretty boy in a racing series that contains more pretty boys than all the other motorsports series combined. F1 is, after all, The Galactic Pretty Boy of Motorsports. Vettel, at times, appears more like someone who just hopped out of a Craftsman Truck Series ride at the Iowa Speedway. Now I know that that’s just an optical illusion, but it IS a conceit that amuses me to think of. Part of me wants to say, “You wanna prove something NOW Mr. Smarty-Pants F1 Champ?? Win me a Craftsman Truck Series Championship!!” But the rest of me admires his season long efforts and his spirit….and also the work of his team, including his team-mate Mark Webber. Now ofttimes during the season there was a bit of a rift between the two team-mates. Webber was considered the second fiddle on the Red Bull team, even though for most of the season he was the one who had the better results. But the I think the competition between the two drivers made both of them better. Webber had a career year, and Vettel led the points when it counted the most. They both, in end made each other better. And the Red Bull team this season was consistently spot on focking awesome. Hats off to both Vettel and Webber!! Get them each a priest on a mountain of sugar, and all the sausages in Munich and Vienna.

As for the rest of the field, Nico Rosberg & Robert Kubica were very consistent drivers, most improved, and almost always a podium threat. Michael Schumacher, like Brett Favre, should probably have stayed retired. Felipe Massa make a brave recovery from his horrifying wreck at Hungary last year and finished a decent 5th. And though Lewis Hamilton and defending champion Jensen Button threw up a solid challenge, with both of them leading the standings at various points of the season, the McLaren-Mercedes team was no match for the Red Bull Renaults.

Now, if only a certain NASCAR lout could go and pull a Sebastian Vettel….

Birmingham 1    Chelsea 0

Meanwhile, the news media and the live television coverage keeps getting things confused. Those guys in the lime green 3rd kit shirts with SAMSUNG on front…that wasn’t Chelsea, was it? It must have been a mistake. And the play by play guys kept insisting that it was Malouda who was passing to Anelka who snapped a cross to Drogba who doinked a header off the woodwork. That can’t possible have been correct. I’m sure it wasn’t simply because he was speaking in Spanish, perhaps he was just getting the names wrong or mispronouncing them or something. That can’t have been Kalou who missed 7 good chances….that wasn’t Daniel Sturridge who had a perfect opportunity to equalize in the 2nd minute of extra time and then gagged on his non-existent attempt. I wish the media would stop making this shite up.

Okay. The real deal for Chelsea today was buzzard luck….can’t kill nothin’ and won’t nuthin’ die. They played far better with the shite team they had to field than they did last week against Sunderland. They seemed to be getting better and they attacked with more fervour. Also, having Alex in the lineup helped big-time. And after all, it did take the injury-ravaged Green Bay Packers a few losses in a row before they got their stride back. So I’m not overly worried about Chelsea long-term. But short term, well…they’ve GOT to make the most their opportunities and today they didn’t. Today they couldn’t hit the broadside of a fackin’ barn. Birmingham could have pulled Ben Foster ((who unfortunately played out of his ASS today, btw)) and Chelsea still would have a had a bother putting a ball in the net. Chelsea controlled play for most of the match. They weren’t all that pretty…in fact they seemed ragged. But they had control and created enough opportunities that someone, even someone as shite as Ramires, should have been able to LEAST equalize. Birmingham, after all, had only ONE opportunity the whole game, and Lee Bowyer saw to it that the opportunity was taken advantage of.

Tuesday is a Champions League tilt with hapless Zilina at the Bridge. Hopefully this match will give my Blues a chance to iron things out amongst their patchwork midfield and defense and get their striker’s heads back in the game. Yes. They played better today against Birmingham, but…they didn’t play like Chelsea. Next Sunday, at Newcastle, they HAVE to play like Chelsea. I’m confident that they will.

Arsenal 2   Tottenham Hotspur 3

Unlike the Chelsea tilt that followed this one, THIS North London Derby was a joy to behold, although, when I tuned in at the 29 minute mark I thought I’d missed everything and that all was hopeless. It was 2-0 at that point. Tottenham was looking like shite and the Arsenal lads were prancing around like a bunch of pretty boys. Pretty boys that they are. And so it went for the rest of the half.

But you have to hand it to good ol’ Harry Redknapp, ((Tottenham’s head coach for those of you who only watch the NFL)). He took his team to task in the locker room, and replaced Aaron Lennon with newly healed Jermain Defoe. He got Gareth Bale to remember that he IS Gareth Bale and not, say Ramires or Anderson. And with a mighty wail, the Hotspurs came roaring back on a goal by Bale and Van der Vaart’s penalty kick to equalize, and at the 85th minute Kabouhl took Van der Vaart’s cross and placed the game-winner in the back of the net with a little knod, which is as good as a wink to a blind horse, or so they say. What?? Well anyway, it was a finish to the North London Derby that no one in their right mind could have seen coming. Arsene Wegner was pig-biting mad, Harry Redknapp crowned his lads the Kings of England. And me, well, I was happy as a little girl. Until I later watched the Chelsea match, of course. And then, I was a just a little girl, crying myself to sleep. But for one moment, I celebrated with the new Kings of England ((even though the heroes of that team are from Wales and Holland)) and since I don’t know the Hotspurs songs, I couldn’t sing along, but I listened…and the songs were very beautiful. In a drunken and muddled way.

Danica Patrick did not save NASCAR, yet

The 2010 Danica Patrick racing season came to an end this afternoon at Homestead-Miami Speedway as Danica Patrick drove her #7 GoDaddy Chevrolet to her first top 20 finish of her NASCAR career. She finished 19th in today’s Ford 300, on the lead lap and ahead of such Nationwide and Sprint Cup luminaries as Jason Keller. Kenny Wallace, Sam Hornish Jr. and Kasey Kahne. Despite a somewhat/mostly disappointing series of finishes this season, she didn’t really do all that bad. And I think there’s plenty to build on for next season.

Kyle Busch won today’s race, his 13th win of the season and he finished 3rd in the standings. He had more wins combined than the drivers who finished 1st (Brad Kesolowski), 2nd (Carl Edwards) and 4th (Justin Allgaier). But since he only raced 28 of the 35 races, he only had enough points for a third place finish. He DID win the owners championship for Joe Gibbs Racing. And no one is going to weep for Kyle Busch certainly. Bad Brad and The Carl rounded out the top of the table with Brad winning by a country mile or three.

The real tragedy in all of this, if there is any,  is that the Busch-Wackers ((Sprint Cup regulars who moonlight in the Nationwide series, for those of you keeping score in Norwich City where our Canaries pulled out a 1-1 draw today against The Damned United at Carrow Road)), clogging up the table and keeping Nationwide regulars pretty much out of the mix.

As far as I’m concerned, Justin Allgaier should get the title. He raced his young talented ass off all season long and deserves more recognition than 4th place in the standings. Trevor Baine, Steven Wallace ((despite wrecking a few of his Dad’s cars—a few less than previous seasons)), and Jason Leffler ((yes, THAT Jason Leffler….the one who had the #11 car before the obscure Denny Hamlin took over)) all cracked the top 10, albeit the bottom of the top 10. The other 6 in the top 10 are Cup regulars, and really, I’m more of a mind that NASCAR should either limit the number of Cup drivers who drop down to Nationwide, or, not count them in the points standings….they can win the prize money, but not the points. The Nationwide series needs to get back to what it was originally, a more developmental series, with great racing, but more obscure and/or upcoming and/or go nowhere talent.

And here is where Danica Patrick can eventually save NASCAR. She brings a lot of attention to the Nationwide series, and as she get better next year, she will bring even more. More viewers, more attention, more fans and more money. And my hope is that sponsors won’t overlook the fact that the dollars they commit in the Nationwide should go to racing, and not to coddle superstar Sprint Cup drivers. If Danica, and others like her….such as Ricky Carmichael and Travis Pastrana bring the attention and the new excitement, then the dollars that follow can and should and hopefully will help develop and nurture new talent and give them a time and place to develop. If Danica Patrick by her presence in the sport can help accomplish this, she will indeed save NASCAR. I’m keeping my hopes up.

And it all comes down to the Ford 400 at Homestead-Miami Speedway. It will be a wild rumpus, and a real argy-bargy and there’s a rumour rattling around between my ears that Jeff Gordon and Jeff Burton will hop out of their cars at lap 156 and have another celebrity boxing match with Brad Kesolowski vs. The Carl, and a much anticipated Jimmy Spencer vs Kurt Busch rematch on the undercard. I’m also hearing from voices very close my frame of reference that  NASCAR will make Jimmie Johnson and Chad Knaus and crew wear maid outfits.

But since that’s not bloody likely, it’s gotta be Denny Hamlin racing his ass off from the 38th position, or best of all, Kevin Harvick pulling a Sebastian Vettel, going from 2rd to first and leading the Chase when it really matters.


If Harvick could pull that off tomorrow, it would be music to my ears. And I would once again be as happy as a little girl.


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