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The Relentless Pursuit of Profligacy

Atlanta 20    Green Bay 17

It’s not just enough to have a life, an existence….it’s almost nearly necessary to have and/or live a dissipate existence. There is little value, unfortunately in simple things anymore. Spending and MORE spending  ((I’m looking at YOU Sheik Mansour and Roberto Mancini))….whores ((Hello Wayne Rooney))….faster cars ((wait…what the fuck??))….noisy and terrible mixed drinks  (( the ONLY mixed drink that is acceptable is a Dry Rob Roy…the rest of them you just stick them up your faggot ass or your redneck ass and set your darts on fire))….BOMBS ((fuck it all, I’m NOT being a tedious old man when I say this, but…Jagermeister is mean to be drunk straight up, shot at a time….and Red Bull is, at the end of the day, and on the tip of the tongue, the absolute epitome of LSD cum-liquid and should never be allowed to foul a good liquor or liqueur, in fact it should never be allowed to foul a TERRIBLE liqueur like Yukon Jack))….text messages about whores, fast cars, noise and BOMBS and all that dross.

But in the sporting world, the PROFESSIONAL sporting world, that is, there is more to it than meets the eye. ALL of the above, PLUS what happens on the pitch, be it St. James Park, The Georgia Dome, or the Homestead-Miami Speedway. The pursuit of profligacy can take many curious forms. For example…..Two Words: Brett Favre. Nuff said THERE about a profligate existence, both in the good and bad sense, so why beat it to death, and so? We’ll never forget you Brent ((try as we might)), so let’s move on.

Tonight, as I write this, Jimmie Johnson is receiving all the accolades and salutations that Las Vegas can muster for his record-setting 5th straight NASCAR Sprint Cup Championship. Yes, it’s impressive and yes, his damned ability coupled with the evil mechanations of Chad Knaus make him one of the THE very very NASCAR drivers of all time. But I am not watching it and quite frankly, despite Jimmie Johnson growing long hair and a beard, he still bores me to death somehow. And I know it’s not fair to him to say that, but fine…5 in a focking row…here’s a focking cake….Happy Bar Mitzvah Hershel and all that dross….now pack it in. Give it a focking rest. Take one for the team. Let your homo boss get HIS drive for 5 groove on, what the fock. Catch Mark Martin a break before he retires for final and one thousandth time. And then there’s Junior, who, as rumour has it, will be your stable-mate next year. Have Chad bust a few evil mechanations Junior’s way, and while yer at it, see to it that your damned ability rubs off.

So no, I’m not watching it. There is no compelling reason to. After all, I didn’t watch what Richard Petty had to say for himself when he won HIS fifth title. Of course, it wasn’t televised in 1974 the way it is now, but I’m quite sure he said something gracefully and appropriately humble. I’m quite sure Jimmie Johnson approached his moment tonight the same way. I can only imagine what might have happened at this glorified wedding reception.

Unfortunately, the best imaginary occurances probably did not take place. For example, Jeff Gordon and Jeff Burton did NOT square off in an octagon in Caesar’s Palace for a 3 round bout of bitch-slapping mayhem. And Denny Hamlin did NOT lead the crowd in singing Kumbaya and a medley of Jeff Groban tunes a la Michigan’s gaffer Rich Rodriguez. That Lout Kevin Harvick, despite early reports to the contrary, did NOT wear a firesuit to banquet just to prove that he IS the one who wears one in his family. And Matt Kenseth and Carl Edwards actually talked pleasently with each other as though they were just a couple of buddies from hell, but not bloody likely.

Newcastle United 1      Chelsea 1

I marked this one up as a loss… in Chelsea lost to Newcastle 1-1. They stole a point out of this one. But that’s about all that can be said. If one looked up the word profligacy in the dictionary, the picture beside the definition would be Chelsea’s team photo. No team in the EPL has wasted more opportunities and shot so poorly in the past 6, 7, 8 matches. It’s been a dissipate existence for my lads in Blue. Last Saturday, November 27th, they fell behind 1-0 on an slick Andy Carroll goal in the 6th fackin’ minute. Unacceptable on any level of analysis….and yes, it’s Andy Freakin’ Carroll, but still, un-focking-acceptable. Malouda got the equalizer right before half-time. But the 2nd half…opportunities to win this went to waste.

All the usual excuses can be applied. But at the end of the day, an EPL Championship team needs to rise above it’s shortcomings and right now, Chelsea is a stretch where they are NOT doing that. They can’t expect to win if the have to RELY on having John Terry and Frank Lampard there to hold their dicks while they pee. They need to win despite themselves. And yes, I’m also damning the Green Bay Packers with the same indictment. Although Terry and Lamps probably couldn’t have punched one in from the 1 yard line against Atlanta either, I think the Packers could have if they had remembered for one facking second that they ARE the GREEN BAY PACKERS, 2010 edition, and PASSED the ball instead of trying to jam a power run quarterback sneak up Atlanta’s tight anus.

Chelsea needs to remember that they are CHELSEA. They need to forget about everything else…unless, of course, Chelsea wants to think that they are the Green Bay Packers. And, THAT would be okay by me.

NO…scratch that. It’s not Chelsea that is pictured astride the dictionary definitiuon of profligacy, it’s Dale Earnhardt Jr. To be honest, despite having won yet another NASCAR’s Most Popular Driver award tonight, December 3rd, as I write this, there is no driver who has led a more dissipate and profligious career in recent years than Junior.

ALL the focking opportunity in the world. All the chances. The escape from The Evil Step-Mother. And as much as it pains me to say it, he’s with the best organization in all of NASCAR. But….it’s been a dissipate existance. A relentless pursuit of profligacy. Not much to show for it. He’s made the Chase only 3 times. No championships and lately, no wins either. If he was in the EPL, he’d be lower mid-table at best…and this season, he’d be joining West Ham, Wigan, and Wolves in the relegation zone. In fact, Junior WOULD be relegated this year.

But unlike the hapless Hammers, Junior gets a big reprieve. He’s moved over to Jimmie Johnson’s garage. He get’s Jeff Gordon’s crew chef Steve Latarte. And he will ALSO have the evil mechanations of Chad Knaus looming over everything, light and shadow alike. This is the end game, to be honest, for Junior. If he can’t make it NOW, with all hands on deck, then he probably never will. If he can’t pull it off, then he’s best step out of the ride and go run his team and make his name as an owner. If he doesn’t break out of the slough of profligacy, then he’s better off joining Danica in Nationwide and drive his team to victory from there. It’s not a happy thought for Junior Nation, but….the proof in 2011 will be up on the scoreboard. Hopefully the changes will take hold in Junior’s heart and soul….for THAT, after all, is where races and championships are won.

I, for one, would LOVE to see Junior where he should be…winning races and competing for Championships. His presence at the top of the table is part of what has been missing from NASCAR these pat few years. A few wins from Junior and NASCAR will no long be the boring tedium of the #48 team’s damned ability week in and week out. And that would be a great thing, and just what NASCAR needs to relentlessly pursue to the fat of the land, the fat of the nation.


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