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Earthers Off Mars NOW!!!

Where the fuck is Qatar??

A lot of odd stuff, random bollocks, and other assorted shite has been happening lately that I can’t begin to comprehend in some cases, and in other cases, even though I comprehend it, I can’t begin to offer any sort of explanation for it. I need a guidebook of some sort. And the the usual suspects and sources of information are as resplendent in their divergence as I seem to be. Or, I could just make some shit up, since, after all, I never ever let the facts get in the way of the truth. Mind you know, I’m only limiting this to the wor’d of football. But I’m at my wits end with some of this. And the rest of it, well….fuck it all. I guess. Maybe.

I suppose, in passing ((or en passant for those Euro-centric types keeping score at Interpol)), I should mention that the 2018 World Cup bid was awarded to Russia instead of England. Borderline comprehensible I suppose….after all, Russia has never hosted a World Cup…plus, it’s not England, not that anyone would ever mistake Samara for Sunderland. Possibly explainable since the lads who voted for this most likely got nice little pay packets from Vladimir Putin and the boys. After all, all England brought to the table was charm, dignity, style & culture….and that’s all well and good, but not very spendy. Plus they sent David Beckham and David Cameron and Prince (soon to be King) William and pay packets were neither their station nor their duties.

I also mention, en passant, that the 2022 World Cup bid was awarded to Qatar, instead of the good ol’ USA. I mean, what the fuck??  Qatar?? Just Qatar?? Not Qatar and Bharain and Emirates?? ONLY Qatar?? The fuck??  I mean don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a problem with the Middle East getting a World Cup….but for fuck’s sake anyway!! Qatar is only the size of Grant County, Wisconsin. (Well, okay…Grant, Iowa, Lafayette, Green and Dane counties….it’s the size of SW Wisconsin—my little corner of the world)). How did this bid even get through…and why NOW??  Oh yeh, more pay packets. But that aside, I mean…..*flail*   It’s fucking 120 there in the summer…and now there’s been a petition or push to move the World Cup to January so it’s only 80. I could go on and on but I’m just passing through to the dark side of the Earth so don’t mind me. They might as well hold the next World Cup on fackin’ Mars. Wait, WHAT??!!

A young member of the Team France jogs along the Mediterranean in preparation for World Cup 2026 in SW Wisconsin.

Okay…so fuck Qatar. They’ll have their little moment in the sun. Fuck FIFA and Sepp Blather and the rest of those money-grubbing ass-clowns. And fuck Mars ((for now at least—I mean, Mars is cool and all, and I wouldn’t mind living there….but for the purposes of this discussion…Fuck Mars)).  FIFA seems hells bent on having the World Cup in out-of the way areas…in countries that have never had a World Cup and perhaps never SHOULD have a World Cup. Why don’t they facking hold it in Polynesia?? We could CANOE to each of the matches rather than take a wild camel ride through the desert. But I digress. What I propose instead is that  the USA NOT put up another bid for the World Cup…in fact the less to do with our own national organization, the better here. What I propose is a bid for SW Wisconsin to host the World Cup in 2026 or 2030, and do this as though we were an independent nation…do it by having absolutely nothing to do with the U.S Soccer Federation whatsoever.

What could POSSIBLY be better than a World Cup final held at Camp Randall Stadium in Madison, Wisconsin?  It’s a perfect venue and would showcase SW Wisconsin to the World. And the best part is by then our dopey-ass wanker of a governor will be long gone into the oblivion he so richly deserves and Madison and the State of Wisconsin will back to being the Forward and Progressive thinking city and state it always was. New stadia will be constructed throughout the region And existing facilities will be upgraded to host the qualifiers.

For example, Pioneer Stadium at UW Platteville will be rebuilt and emerge as a state of the art facility that will seat 41,000….in fact a design team at Taliesin is currently working on the preliminary plans. In Dane County, Mount Horeb will get a new 40,000 seat stadium at  Mt. Horeb High School that will be designed to resemble a Viking longboat. Other cities in Dane County vying for new stadia include Sun Prairie, Stoughton and Fitchburg. Over in Iowa County, Dodgeville will have a new stadium built. And in Green County, Monroe will have a new stadium built that will closely resemble a giant wheel of cheese.  There is a strong push by Mt. Horeb businessman Vern Landmark to have a stadium or training facility built at the site of his current building in Argyle, on the shores of the mighty Pecatonica River….although some feel a more likely choice would be his current hometown of Blanchardville, up river from Argyle, where Dane, Iowa and Lafayette Counties converge. I will personally see that a facility is built in Argyle. In Lafayette County, Darlington will get a new 52,000 stadium at the LaFayette County Fairgrounds and race track. And in Grant County, in addition to Platteville, Lancaster will have a new stadium built that will serve both the highschool and the Grant County fairgrounds. And Dubuque Iowa wants in on this, but for now, they will have content themselves with providing hotels and other hospitality to visitors to the Grant County fixtures.

So fuck Qatar. And fuck Mars. Mars is for Martians. SW Wisconsin in 2026!! Stay tuned for more.

Olympique Marseilles 1    Chelsea 0

Chelsea is a team that is in dire need of rescue. They need a shiny red firetruck to come and save them. They need a whole fleet of shiny red firetrucks in fact. They need first responders, water and air rescue squads, and a more firemen than anyone could imagine. It’s an 11 alarm fire. Stamford Bridge is burning to the ground. The whole team needs a good hosing down. They are not on fire in a good way. They are on fire in a bad way.

I’m so pig-biting mad over Wednesday’s shallow and shameful loss to Marseilles that I can’t spit out words that aren’t dripping with blood. What the fuck does Ancelloti have to do with the guys to get them off the schneid?

Does he have to go Vince Lombardi with them??  “This is a football, lads. It’sa round. You kick it inna the goal. Kapiche?? When the other lads have-a the ball, you take it away from them. Then you run downa the field with with it and kick it inna the goal. Kapiche??”

I really don’t know how much training time these guys spend in the film room. But jeezus anyway, it should be pretty focking obvious to get at what’s going on, where each of the lads need to step their game up, from watching the tape. The young guys especially, but also the veterans. I’d have them in the film room 24/7 if I had to to get them on the same page out on the pitch. It’s pretty clear that they are standing around too much, hesitating to shoot, not setting picks, there’s not enough movement in space, they’re not attacking the net. And for fuck sake can’t anyone pass the football with at LEAST the accuracy of, say Jimmy Clausen?

The problems aren’t going to away anytime soon if the Blues can’t shed the blues. A big match with Spurs at White Hart Lane is awaitin’ on them tomorrow morning, as I type this on my Adjer J5. And in 6 days and change as I type this……

Manchester United is comin’ to town!!

Chelsea’s current woes are tailor-made for Sir Alex Ferguson. Ahead of the match, he will drop all the bland and deadly courtesies he’s been saving up for just this sort of situation. The shoe, after all is on the other foot now. And he will do his to level best to grind on Chelsea and Carlo Ancelotti in advance of next Saturday’s fixture at Stamford Bridge…especially if Chelsea leave White Hart Lane tomorrow with anything less than 3 points. Sir Alex is a master at this….he’s very much like the New England Patriot’s Bill Belichek….he can say a lot without saying a thing and do it a bland and deadly way.

In any case, Manchester United’s shiny red firetruck will come roaring down from Old Trafford with sirens blaring and lights a-blazing and it wont be coming to save the day.


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