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  Leeds United 1       Chelsea 5 Chelsea 8      Aston Villa 0   The orders were hooped up to Rafa Benitez somewhere between Leeds and Wakefield. I can almost imagine one of Roman Abramovich’s minions hiding the weeds across from Thorpe Wood hooping the orders up and getting his arm torn off in the…

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Congratulations For Nothing

Chelsea FC

Corinthians 1      Chelsea 0 A pal of mine, down at my local pub, The Grumpy Troll, noticed my Chelsea cap yesterday and congratulated me and Chelsea for winning. He was referring to the Club World Cup in Tokyo over the weekend of course, and had the well-intentioned, but misguided notion that Chelsea had…

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The Elusive W

In 2023, Chelsea’s newest owner becomes bored with his team winning everything.  He decides to try his hand with NASCAR.   Imagine that. The post-Roman Abramovich era. It will be upon us someday, hopefully not soon, assuming the inherent dysfunction amongst the board and middle management gets corrected.  But what will be our fate when…

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Rafa OUT: The Crying of Lot SW6

Rafa OUT??? What the hell did I do to piss everyone off?? I should not write a thing at the moment. I’m just too pig-biting mad! But, I’ve never let the facts get in the way of the truth, so why stop now. And as for facts, while I’ve never actually read Thomas Pynchon’s The…

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Concepts Of Zero

Juventus 3     Chelsea 0 Let me get this out of the way straight up. Zero is not always the coolest number. That is one of the many concepts of zero. There are more concepts of zero than you can imagine. And more of them are being discovered everyday. And if you want to…

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Rally Cap Wanker

Chelsea 1     Atlético Madrid 4 When Chelsea went down 0-3 at halftime on a Falcao hat-trick, I donned my rally-cap for the 2nd half  hoping for the best, but realizing that Chelsea just couldn’t be arsed (with a few exceptions) to give it their best. And I just couldn’t be arsed to pretty…

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Halt! NONE Shall Pass!!

Euro 2012

Sweden 2    England 3 Spain 4    Ireland 0 After Matchday 2 of Euro 2012, Sweden and Ireland are officially 2 and done. Or in Ireland’s case, 2 and Dunne. They’ll play their final games against France and Italy respectively, and then shove off for Stockholm and Dublin to drown their sorrows. While I never had…

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Time And The Bell

Bayern München 1     Chelsea 1   (3-4 pens) I did not get to see my beloved Chelsea win the Champions League for the first time in their storied 105 years of existence this past Saturday as I was in attendance at my niece’s wedding up in Appleton, Wisconsin. I monitored the match on…

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Not Shaken, But Stirred Anti-Clockwise

john terry racism row

In a few minutes from now, the Chelsea/QPR tilt will NOT begin with pre-match Fair Play handshakes Once again, and for the final time this season, the rift, and the allegedly racism row between Chelsea captain John Terry, and Queens Park Rangers defender Anton Ferdinand reared it’s grim and ugly little head. The match will…

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Drive 300km/h. Win FREE Drink!!

formula 1 speeds

  Aston Villa 2      Chelsea 4 I’ve uncovered a snappy way for me to win a FREE drink…..but before we get into that free drink deal, what I’ve been saying all along is turning out to be true. Fernando Torres is Chelsea’s MVP. NO question about that. His presence on the pitch creates…

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Sound O’ Sleep

girls in pajamas

    Chelsea 0     Tottenham 0 I was up this morning a LOT earlier than THESE lads were to watch this here in Mount Horeb, Wisconsin…Troll Capitol of the World. I settled into my recliner with a cup of coffee close at hand…and was soon lulled off into a nap…an extra 2 hours…

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The AVB Project

The AVB project

Chelsea 3     Bolton 0 Andres Villa-Boas and Frank Lampard kissed and made up. So maybe that was part of the project, or maybe not. But Lampard played his best match of the season, which is not saying much, but he showed some leadership when it was needed, and a win is a win.…

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No Direction Home

no direction home

Chelsea 1      Birmingham City 1 I wish the words would escape me. I wish I could fall asleep and dream of magical realms, dream of imaginary cities full of tall and dangerous buildings, dream of fascinating high speed trains. And upon awakening, I will find that all the words have vanished, vanished like…