AnimeBeerDull Tedious ShiteFORTRAN IVThe Sporting Life

Just A Moment

Chelsea FC bad moment

Chelsea 2     Blackburn Rovers 0

It was just a moment, in a descending series of moments. But it seemed to last forever….a moment that would never end. In a behavioral sense of the word, moment is more or less intended to be quick, finite and have temporal short duration, as in “May I have a moment of your time…?” ((This is the unstated, but implied question at the beginning of everyone of my bloog-posts))…or, when faced with a vexing question, “Give me a moment to think about it….” In the mathematical sense of the word, moment can take on on an entirely larger set of dimensions and meanings and representations…in fact, a moment in mathematics is more of a way to measure and describe a of set of points that can represent a variety of things, including, but not limited to, a dynamic series of events.

How odd, then that Carlo Ancelotti described and continues to describe Chelsea recent malaise, their worst malaise, their worst slump in 15 years, as “a bad moment.” I don’t honest think he in thinking about it in the mathematical sense of the moment, nor do I think he is even aware of the mathematical sense of the word moment and, especially, how ironically apropos that descriptor is. A moment in mathematics can be loosely defined as a means to describe the shape of a set of points that can have a variety of forms and can consist of many points. As Chelsea’s malaise deepened from November and into December, Carlo Ancelotti would say things like, “Our bad moment continues…” and  “…bad moment…blah blah blah…”. Even the players have been chiming about the bad moment. Frank Lampard in Friday’s MIRROR, for example: “This is a bad moment, make no mistake about it. We don’t have to hide it any more. It has been a long enough time.”

Whether or not today’s win against Blackburn Rovers marks the point that ends the “bad moment” or is just another set point in that moment (a false positive) remains to be seen.

Nicolas Anelka thinks that Chelsea can still win the Premier League. And yes, it’s mathematically possible….in fact it might take something like THIS to accomplish it:

But I suppose it could be done if the lads all apply themselves play up to their semiotic reputation and mathematical abilities. Especially the aforementioned Mr. Anelka. Chelsea would have to win out, of course, and Manchester United will have to play like West Ham United. It will require Wengers pretty boys to return to their ballet dancing and the snood-wearing poofters to wear their snoods well into the lovely English spring. And someone might need to shoot Gareth Bale and Rafael Van der Vaart in the tootsies. But it can be done. It’s mathematically possible. As a true blue Blues fan, I believe they can do it.

As I’ve been saying all along, the Blues have to get back to playing as a TEAM, and not the way they HAVE been playing, which has beem very much like a bunch of lads who’ve gathered for a bit of 5-a-side before toddling off to the boozer. ((Hmmmm…the boozer, yes….I’ll have to make that English vernacular part of the local Mt. Horeb vocabulary straight away. I’ll get Vern to start using it, and then watch out!!))

In today’s match with Blackburn, they looked pretty ragged, caught up in the web of Their Bad Moment ((a perfect title for an ESPN 30 for 30 documentary if their ever was one)), until the 57 minute mark when Ivanovic scored a beauty of a goal off Florant Malouda’s corner via John Terry. They played with a little more spring in their step ((more brightly, I think is the way the English sports-writers would describe it)), but still, I didn’t feel like they were playing anywhere near up to the form they needed. Anelka came through, at last, at the 76 minute mark, sweetly tip-toeing Ivanovic’s header off a corner into the net. And after that, Ancelotti brought the youth brigade on, Sturridge and and young Josh McEachran and their energy was infectious. And I got to hand it to Sturridge, he’s never seen a shot he doesn’t like. He’s like a shooting guard in the NBA…even if he’s shooting 2 for 13, he’s taking that 14th shot from behind the arc anyway.

It was nice win today, but I DO wish Carlo would NOT declare that Their Bad Moment is over, just let. If fact, I wish to god that Carlo Ancelotti would never EVER again, as long as he lives, use the word moment. Not once, not ever. Not in English. Not in Italian. Not even to say, “Give me a moment to think about it….”

Next up, Bolton on Monday the 24th. Up in their grim Northern shithole. Let’s wait until then to get over our skis.

Manchester City 4     Wolverhampton 3

Now had this score gone the other way, and it quite easily could have, it would have been MAN OVERBOARD!!  CALL THE COAST GUARD!!

But as it turned out, it was Carlos Tevez saving the day again with a little help from the Brothers Touré . City built up a 4-1 lead and by all forms of logic and mathematics were set to boat-race Wolves out of City of Manchester Stadium. But the Wolves came snarling back with goals by Kevin Doyle and Ronald Zubar. Yes THAT Ronald Zubar. If you were, or watching it on TV, I’m sure you wold have seen City’s snoods clenching their fists around their necks. It would have the choke job of the season.

But Mancini and his snood-wearing poofters keep their spot in the table, for now. And as for haircuts…Mancini should get one just like Grevil de Blois (pictured above). That would be FOCKIN stylish!! Or give  Howard Webb a Grevil wig…he’d look mighty snappy handing out red cards with THAT pompadour.

West Ham United 0     Arsenal 3

Even if this result went the other way, which was not bloody likely, Avram Grant’s terrible days at West Ham were and are numbered. He’s good coach and can work wonders with pure crap….taking relegated Portsmouth to the FA Cup final with Chelsea last season and coming away with a close 1-0 loss. And of late, the Hammers haven’t all that bad…until today, they’d lost just once in their last 7 matches. Today makes 2 of the last eight. That’s better than Chelsea, btw…who have lost 3 of their last 8.

But today, it most likely was the end of Avram Grant. Robin Van Persie and Theo Walcott fired the arrows in and when it was mercifully over, there was nothing left but the blood of the innocent. The guilty parties got off without a scratch. They’ll trot on up to Goodison Park next weekend and they’ll still get their pay packet…so maybe a stop at the boozer on the way would be in the cards. Bottom line is that Grant will take the fall for the team that brought him down….or maybe it’s the owners and all their dross, as well. Wayne Bridge, yes….THAT Wayne Bridge, was an utter ass-clown in the match, or hapless as the BBC described it…after all, he’s someone who gets all argy-bargy when someone fucks his ex-girlfriend. Nice work, Wayne. Nuff said.

Green Bay 48     Atlanta 21

I very rarely write about NFL football here, since there are FAR more pundits out there than me who cover the NFL the way Packers cornerback  Tramon Williams covered every receiver the Atlanta Falcons threw his way this evening. So these words about the Green Bay Packers are very much akin to spotting a whooping crane in the wild. You don’t see one that often….and of course, if I had a choice, I’d rather see the whooping crane than read these words…but onward.

The Packers toppled the #1 seed in the NFC in  decisive fashion. They played NFL Football the same way Chelsea played EPL Football earlier this season before Their Bad Moment. It was a powerful and decisive win for the Packers. They were the superior team by a wider margin than the scoreboard would indicate. The ONLY team that can beat the Green Bay Packers is the Green Bay Packers. I don’t think that can be said for any of the EPL teams….after all, the Wolverhampton Wolves beat Chelsea and almost beat Manchester City today…and it was all Wolves there. But every Green Bay loss this season has been a case of Green Bay beating Green Bay….through penalties, bad special teams play….sloppiness and/or a lack of discipline.

And no, I won’t mention the devastating injuries that the Packers have had to endure and overcome this season to get to where they are in the playoffs…awaiting the winner of Sunday’s Chicago Bears/Seattle Seahawks tilt that tees of in 12 hours and change as I type this, at Soldier Field in Chicago. Any other team in the NFL would have keeled over died by now if they’d taken the injury hits the Packers have had this season. But the Packers have risen above, and are on to the NFC Championship game. And NO ONE wants to play them, except for maybe Bears’ coach Lovie Smith…but he is clearly out of his mind.

Now the Packer had a “bad moment” during the fact, they had 2 of them….and they have had FAR more devastating injuries than Chelsea has had. They’ve pulled guys in off the street….guys who one weekend were slouching at home playing MADDEN 11, and the next weekend they were suited up and playing football for real. and making plays.

That’s what Chelsea has been missing this season…2nd and 3rd stringers who can step up and make plays. And yes, Chelsea has been missing an Aaron Rodgers…someone who can show leadership and discipline on offense and keep the team moving the chains. That’s what Chelsea hasn’t done since Their Bad Moment began. They haven’t moved the chains. They haven’t been good in the Red Zone. They haven’t converted on 3rd down. The Green Bay Packers, however, have found a way to accomplish all that and are on the brink of finishing off a great season with not only a trip to the Super Bowl, but a Super Bowl win.

My Chelsea Blues would do themselves good if they watched tonight’s Green Bay/Atlanta game in detail. See how the win was crafted. See how plays were made on both offense and defense. Then use that vision to forge a winning attitude….because, if John Terry and the boys piad attention the game tonight, that winning attitude is what they would have seen.  The techniques might be a bit different, though the principle that informs them is the same….but it’s the attitude and the mentality that Chelsea has been lacking, even in THEIR win today against Blackburn.

I have no doubt that the Green Bay Packers will win the Super Bowl. I have my doubts that Chelsea will win anything this season except a bunch of games. I wish I could feel about Chelsea the way I feel about the Packers.  *sigh*

It galls me to say this, But Manchester United is the odds-on favorite to win it all this season. Even though Tottenham and Arsenal have played profoundly better most the time (especially Tottenham), ManU is still undefeated, and though momentarily off the top of the table, they have have 3 games in hand on the snood wearing poofters of table topper Manchester City….and they are 12 points up with a game in hand on dreaded and hated Chelsea. They could pull it off despite not playing up to THEIR standards either. If push ever came to actual shove, well, the Reds would push AND shove BOTH the snood-wearing poofters at City and Arsene Wegner’s primadonna ballerinas at Arsenal out of their way. So Chelsea would have to win out…and that’s not bloody likely. And then their’s Tottenham. But I’m afraid that if push came to shove THERE, well….I think Tottenham would suddenly remember that they are Tottenham…

But…it should be fairly obvious that Manchester United is not the juggernaut of old. Despite being top of the table, they are truly the benificiary of a motorway of broken dreams. Yes ManU has no EPL losses, but….they easily could have lost a few. And going forward, if they play the way they have been, despite not losing….the losses could easily mount up. ManU has found ways to win and draw….but in many matches they’ve been playing with house money. That style can’t last…and if the principle of the thing matters, well, the proverbial bite in the ass awaits. Especially tomorrow, 9 hours and change from now as I type this. A little argy-bargy with the aforementioned Tottenham awaits as Sir Wayne Alex Rooney Ferguson and the lads featuring Nemanja Vidić on drums toddle on down the M6/M1 to White Hart Lane. Man U is the shakiest EPL leader is recent memory, or, at least this season. Their “bad moment” could pounce upon them, like, well……Tramon Williams intercepting a pass from Nani to Dimitar Berbatov and taking it in for a pick 6…or…like….Clay Matthews or B.J. Raji popping a spin move on Ryan Giggs and dropping Wayne Rooney like a wounded rhino.

It was just a moment. A little diversion, a whirlpool in the stream of time. A snowball tumbling over a cliff…those shining seconds that it’s spinning in the cool. crisp air, sunlight sparkling sparkling upon its crystal facets before it thuds into a drift and sets off an avalanche that destroys a happy village. Or, the first horrifying ring of a telephone. A glimpse of danger from across a loud and crowded room loaded with horrible people wearing terrible suits, gowns, shoes, and make-up while the music grinds into your nostrils like ammonia. And there will always be in your memory that one time, in the white-washed garage, next to the prussian blue Volkswagen Jetta,  when you snapped your fingers once, and she looked at you, at not a word was said.

Just a moment. And then it was gone forever. Just like the one you just gave me. Somewhat like THIS:

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