- By Fat Nakago
- 26 May, 2014
- No Comments
As I promised, I’m doing the Triple today. Grand Prix of Monaco, Indy 500, and the Coca-Cola 600. A day at the races well spent.
Kurt Busch is doing the double, the Indy 500 and the Coca-Cola 600. Buy I’m doing all three races. And if Kurt Busch wasn’t such a wuss, he’d do the Triple as well….
*laughs all around*
Doing the Triple, of course, is not practical unless you do it from the comfort of your recliner/sofa in front of an HDTV. The best jet in the world won’t get you from Monaco to Indianapolis in time to hear Jim Nabors sing “Back Home Again…In Indiana”, let alone tee it up on row 4 as Kurt Busch will be doing today.
So what I’ll have here is a little take on each race written throughout the day upon completion of the race. Almost like being there!! But not exactly.
*laughs all around*
1. The Grand Prix of Monaco
The question for today’s Gran Prix of Monaco was not who would win, as much as who would join Nico Rosberg and Lewis Hamilton on the podium this time. Mercedes has been utterly dominant this season so far….miles ahead, kilometers ahead, laps ahead, and so on that as close as Ferrari and Red Bull and the others have come, they’re really nowhere close enough.
Today’s lucky lad to join Rosberg and Hamilton on the podium….actually at Monaco it’s the Royal Box…was Red Bull’s Daniel Ricciardo who had a bigger and more genuine smile than race winner Nico Rosberg.
Most F1 drivers are, for the most part, with a few notable exceptions, absolute arrogant self-important twats. Mercedes’ Niko Rosberg and Lewis Hamilton are the poster children for F1 in that regard. Now that doesn’t stop me for rooting for them, especially Lewis Hamilton. But really and truly they are most egregious in that regard. Brimming with arrogance and self-importance, and spewing venomous disdain towards each other.
Daniel Ricciardo seems like a genuinely nice guy. And he’s been surprising good so far this season and is a hell of a good driver. Man, towards the end today he was driving the wheels off that Red Bull Renault of his. All smiles, cheerfulness, and no spite. Not even towards his team-mate Seb.
At least it seems that way. Maybe Ricciardo is the sort who will smile and at you like he’s your best pal while stabbing a knife into yer back and out yer left nostril. But he’s seems pretty genuine, and today, he was as happy as a little girl.
As for my two little Mercedes brats, well…they had better settle their little vendetta very quickly, right now, yesterday, by the time you read this….or ELSE. That’s not just my home truth ringing in their ears, it’s the words of Mercedes’ technical director, the one and only Nicki Lauda talking. He’s laying down the law. Nico and Lewis had better play nice, and make it quick. Else Nicki Lauda will deliver some swift justice on both of them. One thing for sure is this: You don’t fuck with Nicki Lauda. Not when he was driver, and surely not now, when he’s your technical director and one of your bosses.
2. The Indy 500
Four great storylines were played out at Indianapolis today.
- Kurt Busch doing the double….how well will he do?
- Will an Andretti finally win an Indy 500 again?
- Will hometown boy, Ed Carpenter finally win the Indy 500?
- Can Helio Castroneves join Rick Mears, Al Unser Sr. and A.J Foyt by winning his 4th Indy 500?
Those were the major ones. Here’s how it all came down.
Let’s get Kurt Busch doing the double out of the way first, since he has a plane to Charlotte to catch. Okay…Busch exceeded everyone’s expectations at Indy. Despite a practice crash, he has had a stellar experience and an exemplary performance at Indy. He qualified 12th. Held his own during the race, and finished 6th. Amazing job for any rookie. But even more amazing coming from A NASCAR guy in a one-off ride. I hope he does the double next year.
There was a part of me pulling for Ed Carpenter to win this. Local guy. Qualified on the pole. Raced a good race….until……*CRASH* Hinchcliffe and Carpenter were racing 3 wide for “the lead” ((at least in someone’s mind anyway))….and Hinchcliffe made an “amateur” mistake by making “a move for the win” a goodly number of laps too early. So that was the end of that sorry to say. Both lads had a ride to infield care center in the back of the same ambulance. When asked what sort of conversation transpired, all Carpenter could say was, “If he hadn’t had a concussion already, I’d have given one.” Or words to that effect.
Not this time Helio. Not this time. Helio and Ryan Hunter-Reay were duking it out in the final 8 lap shootout (following a Townsend Bell meet and greet with the wall coming out of turn 2 that Indycar red-flagged for debris cleanup). The lead changed hands at least 4 times, but Ryan Hunter-Reay won it all in a thrilling finish.
After waiting 45 years for their 2nd Indy 500 win, the Andretti Family will have to wait 1 more. Marco Andretti tried to get past both Hunter-Reay ((his team-mate, btw)) and Helio several times in the final 8 to no avail.
DaaaAAAAAAdddd!!! You were supposed to let ME win!!
Of course, the Andretti’s did win the race, in a sense. But…it would have been better if the son had won it instead of Daddy’s team. And while nowhere near the level of Rosberg/Hamilton snark, Hunter-Reay did have a a little shot at Marco over the team radio implying that he (Hunter-Reay) had an advantage that he wasn’t going to elaborate on. Neither did team owner (Daddy) Michael Andretti elaborate on the remark when asked.
So….there’s 2 down and one to go.
Helio will still get a hug from his girlfriend. Kurt Busch is jetting off to Charlotte to pilot his #41 Haas Automation Chevrolet to another 10th place finish. Ed Carpenter will bide his time and Hinchcliffe had better watch his step. Ryan Hunter-Reay is chugging his milk. And as for me, I’m not chugging any milk right now….I’m chugging an ice cold PBR!!
And soon, I’ll be firing up the grill for the Coca-Cola 600.
Nice work Kurt! See ya in a couple of hours.
Ah! I forgot to mention Juan Pablo Montoya’s return to The Brickyard in an Indy Car. Amazing, stunning, and…..well, let’s just say he was caught SPEEDING on PIT ROAD again, this time in an Indy Car.
PBR me ASAP!!!
3. The Coca-Cola 600
The wrong two engines exploded tonight during the Coca-Cola 600 at Charlotte.
And unfortunately for NASCAR, IRL, F1, and the entire universe of motorsports, one of those engines was not the engine of the #48 Lowe’s Chevrolet driven by the damned ability of Jimmie Johnson and guided by the evil machinations of Chad Knaus. Nope. That one stayed intact for all 600 miles and cruised across the finish line for a wire to wire win. This was definitely NOT the end to a long day at the races that I was looking forward to.
Fock it, anyway.
But that’s racing I guess. Matt held off Jimmie for as long as he could at the end, but his car ran out of ability. Matt ran a great race, but didn’t lead the lap that counted. Neither did Harvick who came ripping past Matt at the end only to finish 2nd. Gar!!
As the final laps reeled off, I was hoping that Jimmie Johnson would ESPLODE!! An engine…a tire….SOMETHING to cause him to have a meet and greet with the wall. But….no….no….no. And no. He went wire to wire as I said.
Kurt Busch was doing to the double today. And though he started at the back the field since he missed the pre-race driver’s meeting, he charged through the field nicely. But with a mere 200 miles to go…..ESPLODE!!! So instead of 1100 miles today, he only logged 900, finishing 40th.
Danica started in 4th and when the green flag dropped she griped it and ripped it off the tee like a John Daly drive….2nd place and ready to grab Jimmie Johnson by the ass. But by lap 31 or so, the car was already going away from her. And despite a series of green flag stops to change tires and make adjustments, the car never never came back to where it was at the start. And after getting caught up in a some other fuckwit’s argy-bargy….her car finally decided enough was enough and…..ESPLODE!!! Danica joined her team-mate Kurt Busch in the garage and finished 39th.
Matt is still 2nd in the points after Charlotte and Johnson lurks in 6th, 33 points adrift of Matt. But at the end of the day, that means about as much as kissing your sister (unless, of course, you’re into those sorts of anime) since of the the top 7 drivers, Matt is the only one without a win.
Well needless to say after 1100 miles plus 260.52 kilometres and all the hours from 6:30 AM on, I’m beat. And no more beer for me even, not even to drown my sorrows after the Coca-Cola 600.
All in all though, despite some of the results, it was a hell of great day for racing, and watching racing. I wouldn’t trade those hours for anything else in sports, not even the World Cup ((well…okay…ya got me THERE!! )).
So now it’s off the metaphorical garage for me.