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“In the 1st running of the Goody’s Fast Pain Relief 500 at Martinsville Speedway on March 29th 2010…”

Once again, since the race was postponed because of rain, I had to hire an Observer to watch the Sprint Cup race for me. The Goody’s Fast Pain Relief 500 was postponed to Monday, and since I’m paid to sell advertising, and not paid  to be a sports writer, my Observer watched the race for me and filed this report:

“In the 1st running of the Goody’s Fast Pain Relief 500 in 2010 at Martinsville Speedway on March 29th 2010, Denny Hamlin overcame questionable mathematical odds to win a race at a track where he’s won xxx times before. His victory was secured by a 4  tyre pit stop that a sizable majority noted with alacrity. Denny Hamlin’s victory was also secured when Jeff Gordon and Matt Kenseth staged a repeat performance of their turmoil at Bristol in the 1st running of the xxxx at Bristol Motor Speedway on xxxx. It should be noted that unlike at xxxx, at the 1st running of the Goody’s Fast Pain Relief 500 in 2010 at Martinsville Speedway on March 29th 2010, Jeff Gordon and Matt Kenseth did not engage in any fighting after the race.”

The spoilers didn’t come into play too much at Martinsville. But that was to be expected. I liked how the cars looked though ((since, on my Observer’s suggestion, I watched a partial replay on the race)). It’s breath of fresh air to see cars that don’t look like glorified IROC cars. Gordon got the better of his bitch-slapping feud with Kenseth, dropping Matt to 3rd in the standings. Jeff Burton almost jumped off his own bandwagon, especially since he finished behind David Gillillilliland. But I’m still hangin’ on for dear life.

Next up is the night race at Phoenix. More on that later. And by the way, the xxxx‘s in my Observer’s report are deliberate, since she thinks this is secret information….


Once again, the aforementioned Sebastian Vettel and his secret life took center stage and he finally had a day in the sun. After two races that began with great promise before heart-breaking mechanical failure came crashing down around him, he finally made 3 the charm.

He started third on the grid for the past morning’s (as I write this, it’s already yesterday’s, in Malaysia)) Malaysian Gran Prix and drove that focking Red Bull Racing Renault across the finish line in first, 4.8 seconds ahead of team-mate Mark Webber. Nico Rosberg joined them on the podium.

I like this fockin’ dude, man. ((Even though I focking hate Red Bull and cannot comprehend how or why anyone, including my wife, can drink that LSD Cum Liquid))  He’s going for a look that says Craftsman Truck Series and not F1, so points for that, given that F1 is usually so preeningly elitist in it’s general demeanor. So’s Renault, it’s Red Bull…but this team has got it’s shit together. RBR-Renault IS the Hendrick Motorsports of F1 this season. And if we could get Jimmie Johnson and That Homo Jeff Gordon to trade places with Sebsatian Vettel and Mark Webber, then all would be right with the world.

Except, of course, for the Manchester United fans….


Manchester United 1    Chelsea 2

It was almost expected with Wayne Rooney out. The 3rd best soccer player in the world watched his mates get their souls ripped from their chests by my lads from Chelsea. And yes, 2 of the 3 goals scored in the match were somewhat controversial, it was clear from the start that Man U was dispirited and grasping for grace. They lost a few days prior to Bayern Munchen in the firts of two UEFA Champions League matches. And in that match they lost Wayne Rooney to ankle injury for a significant part of their season. Dimitar Berbatov filled in for Rooney….but Dimitar Berbatov is Dimitar Berbatov ((with, or without his hair net)), and there is no mistaking one for the other.  Meanwhile, Scholes, who was on the verge of being handed a red card, was subbed by the up and coming young Italian, Federico Mechado, who notched their only goal ((with his hands)). Mechado’s energy lifted the Red Devils….but…he’s not ready to start. Berbatov has to man up and fill Rooney’s shoes going forward.

Carlo Ancelotti made a bold move NOT starting the 5th best soccer player in the world, Didier Drogba. And the move worked! The same team that rolled both Portsmouth and Aston Villa for their lunch money by a combined score of 12-1, dominated Man U…not on the scoreboard but on the pitch. When Man U finally started making a run at the Blues in the 2nd half, Ancelotti subbed Didier Drogba in for starter Nicolas Anelka ((who, just as Berbatov is no Rooney, Anelka is no Drogba)).Less than 10 minutes later, Didier Drogba ((despite being OFFSIDE)) took a sweet pass from Salomon Kalou ((who was subbed in for Joe Cole, who scored a nifty ((and the only legitimate)) goal at the 19 minute mark)) and drilled it past Van Der Saar for a 2-0 lead.

Well, Trinity means three things. And I’ve talked about three things.

Now on Easter Sunday, Trinity can mean a bit more. But my take on that, since I don’t wear it on my sleeve, is that it should mean something to y’all everyday, no matter where you are. Happy Easter and Jesus loves you, whether you believe in him or not. That’s the magic and wonder of it all.

So be of good spirit until I meet with you again.


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