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Happy Horsemeat

horsemeat scandal
horsemeat scandalSteaua București 1     Chelsea 0


When Romania banned horses and carts from roads and city streets, it set into motion a horsemeat scandal that has rocked Europe and at a glancing distance, has horrified even America as well. And, yes, donkeys were also included in that ban. After the ban, horses and donkey were left to die by the side of the road, and rather than let them go to waste, horses and donkeys of dubious quality entered the European meat ecosystem.

Nobody bothered to tell Chelsea FC about that ban, which, ipso facto, includes soccer stadiums, since those tend to be located in the larger urban areas. Arena Națională where today’s Europa League tilt took place is right in the middle of Bucharest, the capital of Romania. And thus, no horses or donkeys are allowed to be there. So no doubt many of the 45000 fans packed into the Arena were quite bewildered by what they saw.

Maybe the customs and airline authorities and others involved in sports logistics mistook the bill of lading and figured they were shipping the horsemeat and donkey meat removed from the shelves of Tesco and Waitrose and other fine stores, back to its country of origin. But somehow, the Chelsea Football Club got shipped over there instead. It was no doubt an innocent mistake.

The nags and donkeys had returned, but in a most unpalatable form.



horse2The Three Amigos Could Not Save The Day


Mata, Oscar and Hazard were all on the pitch at the same time for a total of 11 minutes. One would expect that that would be sufficient to get something accomplished. But then again not much was accomplished in the prior 64 minutes, and even less was accomplished in final 15. There is no way to pretty this one up…and most crime scenes aren’t pretty anyway. This was horses and donkeys versus men. Men will win that battle and did.

The blame is not on Bertrand, whose penalty at 34 minutes led to Raul Rusescu’s penalty kick. Chelsea should have overcome that…that penalty should not even have a been a factor.  The evidence left behind at this particular crime scene reeks of horse and donkey. And it doesn’t take Adam Dalgliesh or Nero Wolfe to figure out who committed the murder and how.

It was a team effort. All are guilty. ALL of them.



horse4La Diáspora de Fernando Torres


If Bertrand had been given a red card for his penalty, instead of the yellow, Chelsea would have had to play the rest of the match with 9 men. That’s cruel to say, but sadly true. Torres is gone gone gone, and hopeful and mercifully he WILL be by the summer. He’s lost his heart and soul for the game. And the only way he can find them again, if he ever can, is to leave and leave now. Pack up his boots and shove off.

It’s sad to say, but when Torres is on the pitch, Chelsea is automatically playing a man down.

For his own sake, and not for the team, he should disappear into the Fulham Broadway station and never look back.



horse3Romani 1      Prawn Sandwich Brigade 0


Flummery, as Nero Wolfe would say.

And not even worthy of an Adam Dalgliesh poem.

As for me. Shoot them several times and hang them by the neck until dead. Then shoot them again.

I wish the season was over with right now. I wish Gourlay and Emanelo were fired out of an anal-sex-deathray cannon with immediate effect. I wish Roman would wake up from the nightmare he’s created and common sense would prevail. I wish I wish I wish…. If wishes were horses, at least we wouldn’t starve.

Case Closed.


R.I.P  Alvin Lee   1944-2013


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