- By Fat Nakago
- 25 April, 2014
- No Comments
The only way I can grasp and comprehend the aforementioned scoreline is this: If Plan A doesn’t work, you go to Plan B. If Plan B doesn’t work, try Formula 2.
I mean, really now, what the FOCK anyway?!!
It was freaking SUNDERLAND one time there now!! SUNDERLAND!!
The one who hired and then fired a facking FASCIST for a coach.
Well….Formula 2 didn’t work out so well either. But, in a wry twist of sarcastic wit, Jose congratulated everyone, even Mike Dean, the ref who called a somewhat dodgy pelanty on Cesar Azpilicueta who was tussling with Jozy Altidore in the area…and on any other day, I would applaud Jozy Altidore for winning a pelanty, but on this day, fock Jozy Altidore. So…congratulations all around, then. And so on.
To be honest, my original thought in using Formula 2 here was to be as wry and sarcastic as Jose was in his post-game remarks. But as usual, I’m left begging the question since no one tops Jose on this sort of thing, and since I’m also nowhere near as arrogant as Louis Van Gaal ((remember the name, we’ll get to him)) and of course NO ONE is as as arrogant, I’ll just wave the white flag and take the checkers 3-4 laps down, head hung in shame.
*laughs all around*
In any case, Formula 2 is not really Plan B. We all know that, right? Formula 2 is/was the old Formula 1 version of NASCAR’s Busch Series ((now the Nationwide Series for those of you who have not yet figured out how to drive a stick-shift car while smoking a cigaret and listening to Rosemary Clooney on the radio)). It’s the Triple A of MLB. What the NCAA is to the NBA and the NFL. What the Championship is to the Premier League (hold that thought as well). The Bundesliga Zwei. Ligue Duex. The Eerst Divisie where Willem II Tilburg looks poised for promotion to the Eredivisie.
Whatever the vernacular, Chelsea still lost a game a game we should have won, and won with mighty foaming wrath. Formula 2 or Plan B or whatever y’all want to call it, should never have a been a consideration.
That. And FOCK Jozy Altidore.
1. The Formula 2 Manchester Gran Prix
David Moyes was the Chosen One. The man Sir Alex anointed to guide ManU(re) forward in the wake Sir Alex’s greatness. David Moyes was Plan A. There was never a thought of Plan B….and to be honest there shouldn’t have been. Sir Alex picked his man and the rest was expected to follow form and to fall into place. Moyes had done a yeoman’s job at Everton with a small budget and at times, less than stellar talent. There was no question about him being a good coach. And for Moyes, ManU(re) seemed like a dream job. But….
But….now, David Moyes has been sacked, and was last seen (updates to follow) on board a grim freighter trudging slowly down the Manchester Ship Canal ((one of the earliest attempts by Manchester to knock Liverpool off it’s fucking perch)) so as to bypass Liverpool and thus, Everton, for a burial at sea, perhaps, or gardening leave on some remote island. Anyway, so much for Plan A.
Sir Alex knew full well what a steaming vat of shite he was leaving Moyes in charge of. Yes, Sir Alex got that shiteload of a squad across the finish line first last season, but only because he was freaking Sir Alex Ferguson ((Now Lord Alex Ferguson for those of you who’ve been lost in the supermarket for awhile there now)). No one else on this or any planet could have accomplished that, even given all the co-operation that City, Chelsea, and Arseanal (pun intended) handed them.
I’ve said it a million times before that:
- Man U had to rebuild the spine of it’s team. Rio, Evra, Vidic are bunch of old gits, and any team that must rely on Phil Jones and Tom Cleverly to lead their back line is doomed to finish mid-table. Their mid-field is also a mess. And despite the additions of Mata and Fellaini, still is. Too many square pegs trying to fit in round holes (Mata), over-rated (Fellaini) or somewhat better than shite (all the rest…which is probably too harsh on Michael Carrick, but….tough shit).
- Edward Woodward is a focking doofus at football operations/transfer business. Woodward is the Glazer’s favourite Business Boy. He can run the business side of Man U like a charm and has done great things for Man U as a business. But when Lord Ferg retired, his longtime technical director David Gill left as well. Woodward was moved over to the football side of the operation. Other than acquiring Juan Mata, he cocked up the acquisition of Ander Herrera from Athletic Bilbao, and payed MORE for Fellaini than they needed to.
Anyway, with Moyes sent up the Manchester Ship Canal, Man U has unveiled PLAN B!!!
None other than old man Ryan Giggs will take the reins until the end of the season. And the Brett Favre of the EPL, Paul Scholes, will come bounding out of retirement and join him on the bench.
Obviously, this smacks of desperation…but then again, this entire Man U season has been one of desperation. This also macks of something else I haven’t mentioned a million times before in regards of Man U: Player Power!!
In the wake of Moyes’ departure it’s interesting to consider how much player power more than any other of Moyes’ (and Woodward’s) shortcomings played a part in all of this. For the better of two seasons after Ancelotti was sent packing, player power WAS the biggest factor at Chelsea in the arrivals and departures of AVB, Robbie and Rafa. Chelsea was the Poster Child of Player Power.
This season, that mantle rests squarely on he shoulders of Man U. The appointment of Ryan Giggs is all the evidence you need of that.
Halftime — The Lewis & Nico Show
Once again, the dynamic duo of Lewis Hamilton and Nico Rosberg lapped the field ((well…it only seemed that way)) at the Gran Prix of China. Lewis went wire to wire for his 3rd win in a row. Fernando Alonso had the pleasure of joining them on the podium this week. An accomplishment he hopes to repeat when F1 returns to Spain in two weeks.
Seb Vettel didn’t need team orders to stay behind Daniel Ricciardo. Even if he fancied disobeying them, it would have been pointless, since both Red Bull drivers were on the same tyres and pit strategy, and Ricciardo had the faster car. They finished 5th and 4th respectively with Ricciardo holding a 20+ second lead on Seb.
And now, Mighty Man U(re) are marching up the tunnel for the 2nd half….
2. The Dutch Uncle
Only one person will be happy when Louis Van Gaal is hired as the new coach at Manchester United. And that person, for the record, will be Louis Van Gaal.
Player Power?? Take one look into that man’s eyes, if you dare. Player Power can just go fuck itself.
Rio Ferdinand? You can go play in an art gallery from now on.
Wayne Rooney? You’ll never EVER have hair like me!! ((Unless Rooney buys a ferret and glues it on top of his head….but that really wouldn’t be a good look for Rooney.))
Manchester United?? BRACE YOURSELVES!! The Dutch Uncle of all Dutch Uncles is coming to town. Whether you like it or not.
But meanwhilst we have Plan B.
Ryan will be leading the lads up the tunnel to greet Norwich on Saturday. The aforementioned Paul Scholes at his side, along with Phil Neville who was retained from Moyes’ staff. And now, Nicky Butt will also be on the staff. It’s a Class of 92 Reunion!! It’s the Glory years of Man U all assembled into one. The only one missing from this murderer’s row of players is David Beckham. For a point of reference this is as if the Packers not only had grabbed Bart Starr and then Forrest Gregg to coach the team, but also press-ganged Paul Hornung, Boyd Dowler, Fuzzy Thurston, Max McGee, Ray Nitschke, Jerry Kramer & Jim Taylor onto the staff.
To be honest, it all sounds nice and happy happy and all that, and yes, most clubs show a boost when a new gaffer is appointed mid-season. But I really don’t think this will go all that well. After all, Giggs will have to deal with the same steaming vat of shite that Moyes had to deal with. And now, stepping up directly from the squad, he’s going to have to make hard decisions that will NOT please his teamate buddies, who will no longer be his buddies, since, allegedly, he will now be their boss. And given the dire situation he’s been tossed into, he has to be a BIG STRONG BOSS real quick. And with all his Class of 92® buddies he’s surrounded himself with, I doubt that that’s going to happen.
Obviously, Man U had to do something quick with 3-4 games left, and Giggs, well, is any old port in a storm I suppose. But if anyone believes he’ll work miracles, well….all I can say is that it’s your money (and hopefully not your mother-in-law’s) not mine.
A lot of this turmoil and Moyes’s inability to deal with it, boils down to years and years of United’s sense of entitlement and superiority that was grown and sustained and nurtured under Lord Ferg’s reign. It’s this high level of expectation, accompanied by the sense of superiority and entitlement that precipitated Moyes’ downfall more than anything else. Yes, United is one of the great teams, and has a great tradition. But let’s not be deluded by the greatness of Lord Ferg’s reign. Man U wasn’t always and forever that great of a team. It might even come as a shock to some of you that Man U has not always been in the top 4 of the First Division, the Premier League. They’ve actually have suffered the unthinkable horrors of relegation—most recently in 1974 in the wake of the Sir Matt Busby years. Don’t think for a moment that this can’t happen again. Not that it will, but it could, in the wake of the Lord Ferg years.
I wonder how many of my pals who are so fervid about Man U’s greatness will stand by them then, when they’re playing in the Championship, the Formula 2 of English football, with their erstwhile neighbors to the north–the Killer B’s–Bolton, Blackburn, and Blackpool? That, in the context of today, would be a real test of courage and loyalty.
The Dutch Uncle, when he arrives after the World Cup, will add a flaming hairdryer of a much different sort. And the only tradition of greatness and superiority he will give two focks about is his own.
Extra Time: A Walk In The Park, With Bunnies
Fabio Cannavaro was smiling after Tuesday’s Champions League tilt. The rest of us, I’m not so sure. It would been nice if Chelsea capatalized on one of the opportunities Atlético granted them and taken an away goal back to the Bridge. But not to be. Jose brought a tough defensive tactic into play and it worked. I would imagine he’s saving something up for the return tilt at the Bridge this Wednesday. Figuring that Atlético has us right where we want them, I can’t wait to see what he springs on them next.
As for the bunnies, Chelsea is going to playing what some would consider a “weakened” squad against Liverpool this Sunday. In other words, he’s playing guy who won’t be playing against Atlético. I wonder if appearing to raise the white flag on the Premier League title is another little mind game.
Peep Peep PEEEEEP!! The referee has blown for time. A scoreless draw it is then. This Post 0 You 0