I knew there’d be a terrible upset in today’s Champions League tilts. I just didn’t expect Bayern München to be on the receiving end of that deal. I was really hoping that ManU(re)’s trek to VampireLand would have ended with CF Cluj’s gaffer, Ioan Andone, sucking the blood from Sir Alex Ferguson’s zombie corpse. “Vat iss Fergie-Time to a wampire!! Ve liff forEFFER!!” And yes, it WAS after sunset in Cluj, Romania, for those of you checking your astro(logical)nomical charts in Mt. Horeb, Wisconsin…Troll Capitol Of The World. Now THAT would have been a sight to behold!!
Instead, it was Bayern München who got a sex education of a different sort. I think what happened is that they thought they could waltz into Belarus, hug on the bed, and eventually get (make someone) pregnant. Despite gaffer Jupp Heyneckes’ pre-match assertion that they would not underestimate the Belarusian champions, Bayern basically couldn’t be arsed to do it right, evidently. Especially Javi Martinez, their new £32 million ((that’s ¥5 BILLION for you NEET My Little Pony Dating Sim otaku huddled in your capsule apartments in the Chuo Ward of Fukuoka, Japan)) signing from Athletic Bilbao. Javi was pulled for Xherdan Shaqiri at the 58th minute, for all the good it did.
Meanwhile, BATE performed the deed like the Mangaian Islanders, whose sexual custom (one of) is to bring their mate THRICE to orgasm. 3 goals, they scored; Pavlov at the 23rd minute, Rodionov at the 78th, and Bressan finishing it off at the 5 minute of extra time. Now to Bayern’s credit, all the hugging finally amounted to something….and how fitting it was then that Frank Ribéry, the ugliest guy on the team finally brought(got) the juice at 90+1. But too little, too late for Bayern, and all so very wrong….something akin to kissing your sister, only very much worse in the scheme of things and almost as amusing (as long as it’s someone else, of course).
Let that be a lesson.