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The Jaws Of Victory

The old cliche of snatching victory from the jaws of defeat was turned on it’s proverbial cauliflower ear this past weekend in more ways than one. And one would have been enough, but unfortunately there were MORE ways.

One way was Sunday’s Sprint Cup race, which, due to rain was postponed ’til Monday, and was won by Denny Hamlin ((yes THAT Denny Hamlin, the one who two weeks ago had ACL surgery on his knee so don’t tell me that NASCAR drivers aren’t focking athletes)).  Hamlin was not a factor for most of the race.

BUT….with 15 laps to go on a restart…with Tony Stewart and Jeff Gordon enroute to a battle for victory, the leaders found a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Well, Tony surely did. After the ensuing mayhem, Smoke took credit for the wreck that red-flagged the race and opened the door for Denny Hamlin’s fairly amazing win. Amazing mostly because any other sissy athlete rehabbing from ACL surgery would have been on the DL in any other sport.

For the second week in a row, Jeff Gordon had defeat snatched from the jaws of victory. He was poised to win at Phoenix, but on the final restart, Ryan Newman comes out of nowhere  and zips by him for the win.

That was Monday, the culmination of a heinous weekend that began….


Manchester City 0   Manchester United 1

At a little after 6:45AM CDT, 12:45PM at City of Manchester Stadium, a great soccer match began between the two crosstown rivals. It’s like the Cubs and the White Sox. Manchester United are the Cubs…the Greatful Dead of Football…a worldwide following but far more successful that the Cubs. Like the Cubs, ManU is favoured by the more affluent, middle class, yuppie crowd. Manchester City on the other hand are like the White Sox…the gritty, down to earth team favoured by the working man. And for 90 minutes and change this was by far the best football match I’ve seen all season. It was a knockdown drag out fight and it was honestly City’s game most of the way. Time of possession favoured City 60% to 40%. They kept Wayne Rooney in check, and when Berbatov replaced him, they kept Berbatov in check. It was heading towards a beautiful 0-0 draw and I say beautiful only because it would have kept ManU  2 extra points down to Chelsea. But 2 minutes into the 3 minutes of extra time, Man City fell asleep at the switch and old boy Paul Scholes popped one past Shay Given for a painful last minute win. God fucking dammit anyway!

And if that didn’t ruin  my weekend enough, there was more to come a few hours later.


Tottenham Hotspur 2   Chelsea 1

It was not even lunchtime and I was about ready to eat a box of nails and wash it down with turpentine. For fuck sake anyway, what the fuck….Chelsea has the Premier League Championship by the nuts and they could have kept their point lead on Man U with a win…and a 2 point lead with a draw at White Hart Lane. But no, they head up to the north end of London and snatch defeat from the jaws of victory by playing like little girls. John Terry especially played like a cunt and even Didier Drogba was more like the Milwaukee Bucks’ Dan Gaszuric or Primo Brezic…if that makes any sense, and it should if you know what I’m talking about. Frank Lampard finally smacked one home in extra time, just as Scholes did…but unlike Scholes, Lampard’s tally wasn’t for the win, it was making the defeat seem a little less shameful.

My lads from Chelsea didn’t go up to White Hart Lane to mow a meadow. They went to fuck some goats, and the goats fucked them instead.

I was like “FUCK ME, I’m just DOOMED!!” It was the WORST SATURDAY EVER!!  And it didn’t stop there.


Washington 8   Milwaukee 0

Then the Brewers lost to the Washington Senators….I mean, Nationals, AGAIN!! Focking inexcusable!! Someone needs to tell the the Brewers pitching staff of leave the cans of gasoline and the bluetip matches in the bullpen when they head out to the bump to rip the hearts out of our chests.

Now don’t get me wrong, I like Dave Bush. But when Dave Bush suddenly is the ace of your staff ((and tonight, Tuesday as I write this, he proved it again by pitching 7 scoreless 3 hit innings)), there is something seriously amiss with your staff. Especially when it seems like the only choices in the bullpen are Dan Gadzuric and Primo Brezic. Okay…there’s also Kurt Thomas. But…don’t get yer hopes up since he’s torched up the joint as well.


Atlanta 102   Milwaukee 92

The gravy on the cake on Saturday was Milwaukee’s opening tilt with Atlanta. Now I honestly didn’t expect them to win, since they don’t match up well with Atlanta ((I was hoping they’s draw Boston in the playoffs)). And especially with Bogut out it’s pretty much puts Milwaukee in the realm of the start and park backmarkers.

But after the horrid way Saturday was going, I was hoping for a little hope. But nope, it was a Joe Nemechek kind of day after all. Tonight’s tilt between Milw and Atl was a repeat of Saturday. A 10 point 96-86 win for Atlanta. Same as Saturday only just the opposite. On Saturday, the Bucks sucked in the 1st half and rallied to 10 down. Tonight, the Bucks sucked in the 2nd half and rallied to 10 down. Now I’m not saying that the Bucks snatched defeat from the jaws of victory once again. I’m just saying. It was two sides of the same coin.

It’s just that both sides were tails, and heads was called.

Same for the Brewers and Jeff Gordon and Matt Kenseth and Man City and Chelsea.

Tomorrow is another week. Tomorrow we will walk like men!


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