Chelsea 1 Sunderland 0
As I watched today’s match on the 19″ LG monitor on my homemade LSD simulator, it became increasingly obvious to me that our lads most likely arrived at Stamford Bridge for today’s match with Sunderland in a Hippy Bus….not quite like the Merry Pranksters of old….but more like some Greatful Dead Tribute Band Camp Followers. There was an almost psychedelic precision and purpose to their play interspersed with blips of psychedelic imprecision ((Wow….DUDE, that was Nicklas Bendtner, man….where’d he come from, man…WOOOAAAAAHHH)).
In fact, their run of play gave ME a contact high. I thought to myself, DAMN!! Let’s crank up some Pink Fairies while I watch this. Let’s run outside naked and play some Frisbee…some Ultimate Frisbee….or….yeh dude….let’s play hacky-sack or some similar non-competitive hippy-sport. Let’s play Famous Initials, or Charades, at 3:24AM at the Dairy Dip in Appleton Wisconsin circa 1977. WHOSE SHAKE IS THIS???
Hey Fernando!! Oh…sorry dude….I thought you were PEAKING!!!!
But somehow, our Psychedelic Warriors in Blue prevailed. And the man with the opposible thumb served the Roast Jello, instead of the Chelsea Prawn Sandwiches.
AVB’s New Look!!
AVB got a facking SHAVE!! His grill was facking TIGHT, man!! If he keeps his grill tight from now, we will win every game!! Pop a David Luiz wig on the man and we’ll all be fockin’ TRIPPIN’ man!!
“Hey….Sir Alex….see this Jar of BEES????!! They’re buzzin’ like the the LS Bumblebee, man…..”
AVB with a tight grill!! That’s the ticket!! We beat Sunderland with a SHAVE!! A CLOSE shave!!
Yaba DAH!! Whooahh DUDE, was that Nicklas Bendtner again??? Scare-EEEEEEE!!!
Norwich City here we come!!
6 days and 6 hours and change from now as type this on my homegrown LSD simulator, Chelsea and Norwich City will have a go at Carrow Road. And true to my school, I’ll be diving off the bus in aura bliss and switching my blue Chelsea shirt for Norwich’s green and gold. My two favourite teams play in the same league now…so as I stated before in some kind of stupor of truth…at Carrow Road I root for Norwich to win. So may, in 6 days and 6 hours and change, Grant Holt and Steve Morison and company rub Colman’s Mustard and all other kinds of evil things in John Terry’s and Juan Mata’s and Michael Essien’s jockstraps.
May Grant Holt say, “See this jar of bees??? I’m gonna smash it your face…and it will sting and sting.”
But that’s days and hours from now, man. So dude, man…be mellow ’til then. And remember, man….today is the first day of the rest of your life.