500 Words Or LessDull Tedious ShiteNASCARThe Sporting Life

Johnny Unitas Is Bewildered

johnny unitas1Chelsea 1     Southampton 3


I was planning to write a long-form essay on the various perils and turmoils of two cities in England….that would be Dallas and Fort Worth for those of you keeping score down at The Firehouse in Mount Horeb WI where I dropped by yesterday1 to have a beer or three and remind y’all what an insufferable twat I can be in case y’all have forgotten by now….but in the interim, a peril I’ve been studious avoiding has cut me to the quick, and I simply can no longer contain my silence and resignation.

Thus, we’ll leave the perils and metaphorical turmoils of Mr. Rodgers and Mr. VanGaal2 to simmer for awhile longer I suppose. There’ll always be plenty of laughs there. The Manchester Cowboys prepare to play Southampton Saints tomorrow3, and Liverpool is getting itself all ready to host the AAA Liverpool 400, the 34th race of the NASCAR season and all that. Ha ha ha!!

To be honest, I figured that Chelsea’s horrible start to the season was an aberration that would just go away. Honestly I did. I picked us to repeat as Champions and saw no valid reason why that would not happen. Evidently I must have missed a meeting or three along the way. Then again so did Jose Mourinho I’d imagine, along with just about everyone else in the Chelsea organization top to bottom.

ALL of the things that went wrong during The AVB Project, The Robbie DiMatteo Interregnum, and The Fat Spanish Waiter’s Reign of TERROR, are all going wrong now, but infinitely worse.

Infinitely worse, because the players now assembled are infinitely better players that those of previous years.

Infinitely worse because the coach is infinitely better than all three of the aforementioned coaches put together.

At least that was the premise going in to the season. Even the most anti-Chelsea pundit felt that Chelsea would repeat as Champions, albeit with a greater level of difficulty.

No one expected THIS steaming vat of shit of a start of the season.

8 matches in, our record is 2-2-4 for a total of 8 points. We’ve scored 12 goals, but we’ve shipped an unheard of number of 17 goals so far with 28 matches to play. That utterly shite defense is most troublesome4 since if we continue in that same vein, we’ll ship over 80 goals this season, more than the hapless Queens Park Rangers did last season.

Willian scored a cracker today off a free kick. But then, somehow, someway, somewhy,  Southampton was able to not only peg us back, but go on to pour more gasoline on the fire by snapping two more into the back of the net.

I’m bewildered. Johnny Unitas is bewildered. Jose Mourinho has transformed from the Special One, to the Happy One, to the Petulant One, and now, the Bewildered One.

It’s hard to keep that blue flag flying high….but I’ll give it a go, after another cold GENESEE Cream Ale of course.


  1. Friday, October 2nd 2014
  2. Which is pronounced VanGaal, for you non-Dutch speakers
  3. I just flew in from Birmingham and boy are my arms tired…
  4. To put it fairly mildly

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