- By Fat Nakago
- 23 March, 2014
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Chelsea had Arsenal pretty much finished off by the 7th minute of the match. By the time the Red Card Fiasco at minute 17 rolled around, and Eden Hazard slotted the penalty kick for a 3-0 lead, the game was done and dusted.
And not satisfied with a mere 3 goals, Chelsea went on to destroy and shoot and murder and hang Arsenal by the neck until dead, scoring 3 more goals ((and probably could have had double that had the pitch at Stamford Bridge not been strewn with corpses, because, as we all know, people die when they are killed.))
Chelsea’s rampage got the weekend underway. And by the time the weekend was over, that is, when Stoke City’s 1-4 mauling of Aston Villa went final, the Premier League scorelines looked more like something from PlayStation football or some fantasy of football than anything that actually happened in the real world. There might possibly be leagues in the world where the total goals scored this weekend in the Prem aren’t scored in an entire season.
Liverpool and Cardiff were locked in a cage at Cardiff City Stadium and bludgeoned each other until Liverpool emerged with a 3-6 win. Not wanting be left out, Man City smacked the fock out of hapless Fulham 5-0. Everton duked it out with Swansea and the scorecard showed a 3-2 decision. 3-2 was the scoreline at White Hart Lane as Tootenham came from 2 goals down to topple Southampton. Even my Norwich City Canaries got in on the fun with a 2-0 win over Sunderland….which for Norwich these days, counts for a PlayStation goal scoring rampage of its very own. And down in the Championship, Derby County got the weekend going with a 5-0 hiding of Nottingham Forest.
The only dull and horrible match of the weekend was Newcastle 1 Crystal Palace 0. But I could have told you two days or 2 weeks ago that that one would be dull and horrible. Only Papiss Cissé’s goal at the 4th minute of stoppage time, at the death in other words, lent a bit of brightness to the proceedings at St. James Park. But by then it was way too late.
Some weekends in football can be like this past one. Every game is thrilling. A goal fest. Or a one-sided hiding. But not very often. Not often enough, I guess, for some.
For me, it’s not the number of goals scored, but who shows up in the win column. If Chelsea won every game 6-0, I’d be as happy as a little girl. But if all their wins are 1-0, well…I’d be just as happy. Getting to victory lane is all that matters.
And speaking of victory lane, the Auto Club 400 is teeing off shortly in Fontana, California. Matt Kenseth is on the pole and I figure he’s going to go wire to wire. I’m going to toddle down to the FIREHOUSE for a beer or three and watch it. You can come along if you want, but in the words of Art Kumbalek, you buy the first round.