If I ever begin a post where the first sentence either mentions, or references, or quotes either of John Stuart Mill or Matthew Arnold, then it’s time for you to run for the hills, the mountains, the rivers, the valleys, the great and terrible sea, as fast as you possible can as you know what shall surely follow will be a burning volcanic tornado of rhetoric and causative logic caught up in a flash flood lava-flow of semiotic and nuanced verbiage that will be empirical, utilitarian, and anarchistic all at the same time. So consider this your first and only warning.
No matter where you’ve run to, no matter how fast nor how far, the words of Matthew Arnold still ring true, “Journalism is literature in a hurry.” And since I have pretenses and hallucinogenic notions of aspiring to both, why wait for all the facts or the perfect logical conclusions to reveal themselves when the few truths at hand will simply suffice. I’ve been saying that for years anyway….mainly as a way of justifying any lack of style, dignity, or culture….but also to put forth what I’ve hoped is perceived as a charming eccentricity.
I’m most likely begging the question.
I only watched the last 25 or so minutes of today’s Gold Cup match between USA and Cuba. I’d have watched more of it, but I was wrapped up in the FIFA U20 World Cup final between France and Uruguay that went into extra time 0-0 and ended that way. They went to pens and and that’s when the wheels came off of Uruguay’s brave little war wagon. Uruguay couldn’t find the net with their feet or their ass with both hands and the fackin’ Frenchies stuck ’em 4-1 on penalty kicks. Meanwhile, USA was getting off to a shaky start against Cuba who took a 0-1 lead.
I’m not blaming it on Cuba, but their goal totally focked up my streak-for-the-cash prop on ESPN. The prop was USA wins by 4 goal or more. I took that. But Jose Alfonso’s goal at the 36th minute put the screws to my little prop. Thanks a lot Oguchi Onyewu, team USA Captain, for letting Alfonso waltz by you for the score. You OWE me!! You OWE me some PRIDE!! Or a beer…some FULLER’S Pride.
As it happened, Wondo came on in the 2nd half and saved the day….and they almost got a 5th goal as time was winding down. But…
But really now….USA should have kept a clean sheet against Cuba. I know they’re playing a depleted squad as a lot of the regular starters are back at their clubs to start their season. But our defensive frailties will do us in when we get to Brazil next year. And the best time and place to start working on that is now in the Gold Cup. If our second and third tier players are solid on D, then the creme should rise to the top. That’s my theory anyway, formulated this time with absolutely no help whatsoever from Matthew Arnold, John Stuart Mill, John Locke, or David Hume.
The David Moyes Era and ManU(re) started off with a bang in Thailand today as the local All Stars bitch-slapped them 1-0 on a goal by Teeratep Winothai ((Remember that name! It will be the answer to a trivia question someday)) at the 51st minute.
Actually, truth to tell. ManU(re) laid an egg. **insert evil teenage girl villain anime laugh here**
Granted, the Red Devils were fielding younger players to give them a game, and a striker who is #3 on the depth chart….but really now, especially YOU Danny Welbeck….what the fock anyway? Rooney was sent home to cure an owie so Chelsea or Brackley Town or the Portland Timbers can buy him ((even though he’s not for sale, allegedly)). Van Persie and Chicharito were off napping somewhere. But really now…ManU(re) still had enough reserves and regulars to have taken it to the Singha All Stars. Not a good look for the Red side of Manchester. Moyes can brush it off, but I’d hate to be him, honestly…following in the footsteps of Sir Alex. Better to the be man who follows David Moyes ((with the possible exception of Roberto Martinez))
Chelsea takes on the same squad this Wednesday. I’d put ALL of my mother-in-law’s money on my Blues winning that one if I felt like doing so.
Inter Turku 0 Víkingur 1
I was hoping that somewhere in the world that there would be a football club called Thën FC. Afterall, there’s ÍF, so why not THËN? Evidently some things can’t be as perfect as we wish for them or imagine them to be. If/Then logical causatives do not always hinge on Then being true.
All the utopisms aside….ÍF got taken down by the partisan bastards in S. Belfast. Like last time, I’ll leave it at that for now. Here’s to hoping Skoda Xanthi will bring them down in the 2nd qualifying round which tees off this Thursday.
Vikingur toppled their Finnish foe Inter Turku and will represent the Faroe Islands in the 2nd round against Petrolul Ploieşti from Romania who, like Skoda Xanthi, are beginning their trek to Turin in the 2nd qualifying round.
But the match I’ll be following Thursday will be the tilt between FK Crvena Zvezda Beograd and IBV Vestmannaeyja. My favourite team from Serbia against some fockers from Iceland who aren’t Stjarnan. Yes….for those of you keeping score down the Firehouse in Mount Horeb WI ((text P314 to #36000 to win a free drink!)) I do have a favorite team from Serbia…Red Star Belgrade. It was founded in 1945 by members of the United Association of Anti-Fascist Youth of Serbia. And if I had a Crvena Zvezda shirt, I’d be wearing it this Thursday when they host ÍBV in Belgrade.
The evil machinations of Chad Knaus got the better of him on Friday. It took several trips through the for the #48 Lowe’s Chevrolet to pass pre-qualifying inspection. When he finally got out on the track, he set “a new track record” which was subsequently topped by teammate Kasey Kahne and then Brad Kesolowski. So Johnson was set to start third. BUT…..
The #48 Lowe’s Chevrolet did NOT pass the post-qualifying inspection. The front end was too low. Johnson was stripped of his qualifying speed and will start 43rd. No one has won a race at Loudon from the 43rd position. The worst starting spot to win was 38th….Jeff Burton accomplished that feat in July of 1999. But I wouldn’t put it past the evil machinations of Chad Knaus and the damned ability of Jimmie Johnson to rise above that slough of despond that their very own hand of fate ((hand of glory??)) placed them in.
In about an hour from now as I write this, when the green flag drops….we’ll see if it will be the hand of fate or the hand of glory that propels the #48 team to the finish line. One wonders what other evil secret Jimmie Johnson and Chad Knaus are hiding up their sleeves or under their firesuits.
Kesolowski will lead the charge and if he does go wire to wire, well…..I’ll be sucking down a MILLER Lite in an ice-filled glass later this afternoon. I’m hoping he sticks to 2nd place. Obviously, as always I want Matt to win. He rolls off 12th. But I’m not putting my mother-in law’s money on him taking the checkers even though he was very fast in Happy Hour. ((Actually, I just spent all my mother-in-law’s money on this morning’s Swedish Allsvenskan tilt between mid-table AIK and relegation-bound Syrianska FC. AIK has a 0-1 lead and I’m confident they will prevail.)) Junior qualified 3rd and was 2nd fastest in Happy Hour. I’m thinking he just might pull this one off. Let’s go with Junior for the win. Or maybe Kyle Busch.
Speaking of Kyle Busch….it looks like he’s been packing a few more pounds lately. Honest to fock when he stepped out of his #54 Monster Energy Toyota at Loudon yesterday after winning his 7th Nationwide race of the season, he’s starting to look more and more like Tony Stewart. Pudgy face, portly firesuit, stubble. The only difference is Kyle probably shaves once every 5 days now, whereas Tony Stewart shaves once every 5 hours.
One curious NASCAR note from the past week is Kevin Harvick’s announcement that he will join Stewart-Haas next season. Now in and of itself it’s not newsworthy since we’ve know this all along. But instead of being the 4th team at Stewart-Haas, Harvick will be replacing Ryan Newman whose 2014 season is currently in limbo ((though he might wind up in Harvick’s old ride over at Childress unless Childress decides to install grandson Austin Dillon in that ride and go back to the original #3)). Also, Harvick will be out from under the shadow of the Ghost of Dale Earnhardt. What makes this curious, to me, is that Harvick ‘s sled will not be the #39 Budweiser Chevrolet….instead, it will be the #4 Budweiser Chevrolet.
Why is that curious you may ask?
Well….just do the NASCAR math.
Tony drives the #14 car. Danica drives the #10 car. Harvick will be in #4.
Therefore: Kevin Harvick + Danica Patrick = Tony Stewart.
I have potentially grievous news to report. This might be my LAST POST EVER!! I’m absolute gutted at the thought of it, but….my longstanding communication service provider is finally shutting down after serving mankind for over 162 years!! No longer will I be able to rely on them for information and data….and no longer will I be able to count on them to speed these missive to you in a timely manner.
If you are reading this, know that I was able to get this out before their doors closed forever.
In the coming hours, days and weeks I will be scrambling to discover an alternate means of long-distance communication that will hopefully be as reliable, affable, and efficient. Any suggestions you might offer me will be most appreciated.
So here it is. That was now. This is then. STOP.