I am currently watching the replay of yesterday’s FA Cup final between ArseAnal and Chelsea. My thought was that today it would turn out different than it did yesterday when ArseAnal and Arsene Wenger strode jauntily off into the sunset with a 2-1 win.
But at the 3 minutes and change mark, N’Golo Kante cacked up the ball back to ArseAnal, and thanks to Sanchez’s handball, ArseAnal open a 1-0 lead on the Premier League Champs on the aforementioned Alexis Sanchez’s goal. So it was Chumps 1 Champs 0.
Replays don’t work that way, unfortunately. It’s wishful thinking at best, despite how many impossible things you believe before you tuck into a breakfast of bacon, jalapeno/Italian cheese omelette, and 2 slices of honey wheat toast with apple butter. Binge watching the entire season of Haruhi Suzumiya Endless 8 hoping something different would happen would have been time better spent without the wishful thinking involved.
The replay is plodding towards halftime. And I have no compelling desire to watch the second half. The first 4 minutes of the replay put paid to that facile notion.
ArseAnal beats Chelsea in the Super Bowl of England. No doubt about it.
The only questions remains is how soon will Arsene step up to a podium or a fleet of microphone to announce his retirement.
He might as well get the fuck out now while he’s on top, so at this time, next season, he can relax with the bourgeoisie at the Monaco Gran Prix.
Speaking of which….
Kimi Räikkönen teed off the Gran Prix of Monaco this morning from the pole position. It’s his first pole since the French Gran Prix back in 2008. Geez.
So I settled in hoping to see Kimi lead the parade from wire to wire and hold off his teammate Seb Vettel and stand tall of the podium as he received the trophy from Prince Albert II of Monaco. Showers of champagne, fabulous prizes and the Finnish National Anthem ringing in his ears.
Instead, the lead changed hands on lap as Seb took the lead after a dodgy pit stop sequence and never looked back. So….it was showers of champagne, fabulous prizes, the 2nd place trophy from Prince Albert II of Monaco and the German National Anthem ringing in his years. Kimi was not pleased. The Ice Man personified.
Meanwhilst, no sophomore jinx for the budding American Haas F1 team as both Romain Grosjean and Kevin Magnussen finished in the points….7th and 10th respectively. The team’s best showing in a race yet. I can’t help but thinking that by the end of the season, one those Haas boys will wind up on the podium. Then again, I thought if I watched the replay of Chelsea vs ArseAnal the results would….and all that dross.
Also there was a bit of argy bargy involving back-markers Jensen Button and Pascal Vehrlein on lap 60 in turn xxx. Button ran over Vehlein’s right front wheel or some thing like that, and Verhlein flipped on it’s side and crashed into the wall…on it”s side! Looked worse than it ended up being. The safety crew got the the sled flipped back and Vehrlein hopped out seemingly no worse for wear.
I had a hope that Kimi would/could pull off a charge for the lead on the restart. But Seb raced off and left Kimi and the field in his wake.
Cue the German National Anthem. Cue the Prince of Monaco. A one…a two…..
Now you might (or might not) be wondering why no mention of Lewis Hamilton and his Mercedes teammate Vitally Bottas. This was a rough day for Mercedes. Hamilton finished in 7th but was involved in a qual 2 wreck and started 17, and while Bottas qualified 3rd, he was edged out by Ricciardo for the 3rd podium spot. Hamilton, in a seemingly rare form of humility, just sucked it up and is looking forward to Canada.
F1 has evened things out quite a bit more over last year. Ferrari finally has it’s shit together. And while I don’t root for Ferrari, I must grudgingly admit that that’s a good thing for the sport.
Back on August 13th 2016, I made 19 predictions sure to go wrong. It’s a good thing I didn’t bet any of my mother-in-law’s money on them. And it’s a better thing, for you, that I didn’t bet any of YOUR mother-in-law’s money on them.
Though a fiver on Hull City to relegated would have a been a sure bet. And with the proceeds you could have paid her back AND perhaps taken her out to STEAK ‘N SHAKE.
I got that one right, but not by the way I predicted it.
Normally, as the Premier League begins, I offer up the usual 20 predictions sure to go wrong. But this year, there will only be 19 of them that are sure to go wrong.
The only one that will be correct is:
Hull City will be relegated!
Hull City’s futility this season could very well be historic, surpassing Derby County in the 2007-08 season for the least amount of points in a Premier League season. 11 points from 38 matches.
Yup…got that one. But I’d predicted a 20th place finish. Deadass last! Instead Hull City performed far better than expected for a decent amount of the season and finished 18th.
I was utterly wrong on who would joining them on the relegation train. WHY I didn’t also predict Sunderland to go down to the doom they so richly deserved I don’t know. Perhaps I didn’t have ENOUGH beer….that and maybe placing way too much faith in David Moyes. Also, I didn’t place near enough faith in Sean Dyche to keep Burnley up.
But my prediction that West Brom would go down was shameful and unreasonable. Q. What was I thinking? A. I wasn’t. I mean Tony Focking Pulis!! What the fock was I drinking?? Unfortunately, I think it’s the same brand of beer I’m drinking now. Yarrrrgghhhh!!What chumplin!! Middlesbrough is joining Hull City & Sunderland on the relegation train.
Chelsea surprised me and everyone else (with the possible exception of Antonio Conte) by wining the Prem on the trot. I had, with good reason, predicted that Tottenham would win it all. I figured that Conte would need a season to bed in and rebuild the mess that Jose had left in his imperious wake. If Chelsea hadn’t been so good, I would have had 2 out of 20 correct.
As for most of the rest, fock ’em1….with the exception of Bournemouth who did very well with Eddie Howe at the helm. The only team I got in the right position was Watford at 17th. But fock them too…and that stupid dopey red moose on their badge. A. Why is a team that Elton John used to own who has a dopey red moose on their badge nicknamed The Hornets? A. I don’t want to know.
Actually, I do. So any Watford fans out there bust me comment on this.
To be honest, I didn’t see this one coming. Not sure why though. Sato drives for Andretti Autosports and has tones of IRL experience under his belt.
It’s just that I and the world was more focused on Fernando Alonso so the rest of his Andretti teammates like Ryan Hunter-Reay and Marco Andretti got a bit overlooked. (QUICK!! Name the 5th Andretti teammate……….TIMES UP!! If you guess last year’s Indy 500 winner Alexander Rossi, you’d be correct.)
So Sato flew under the radar the whole and peaked at the right time….passed Helio and Max Clifton and sailed to the checkered flag, the wreath, and the quart of milk.
I was rooting for Alonso…and he led quite a few laps and had a car to beat.
But….with 21 laps to go, his Honda engine cacked, and that was the end of his Indy 500. Ryan Hunter-Reay’s Honda engine cacked earlier in the race…to be honest, the thought of the same fate awaiting Alonso became a murmured topic of conversation and punditry.
When it did, alas and alack, I started rooting for Helio Castroneves to secure another win at the Brickyard. Helio by the way, had he looked up at the sky a bit on lap 43, he would have witnessed Scott Dixon’s car, flying upside down, overhead.
Anyway, Helio seemed poised to get the win. But a late Indy 500 version of a Talladega Trainwreck complicated that notion a bit. The restart shook up the field a bit and there he was, Takuma Sato enroute to his first Indy car win since The Toyota Gran Prix of Long Beach in 2013.
So…any of you lads have your mother-in-law’s money wagered on Sato to win?
During the rain delay (and also before the rain delay and after the rain delay) of the Coca Cola 600, Arsene Wegner held a Victory Parade on the deserted London streets.
You can’t win ’em all…but when you win the Big One, you might as well make the most of it.
So up one deserted street and down another they went in a rented pink Cadillac convertible. The agency didn’t have one in ArseAnal colours. plus, Gunnersaurus was drunk so the agency provided a girl who would wear a crown and so on etc inc llc.
Meanwhile, in Charlotte North Carolina USA! USA!! USA!!!, the rain had stopped, and the jet dryers held their own Victory Parade over Mother Nature. And then it was time to hop in the cars and “Boogity Boogity Boogity Let’s Go Racin’ Boys!!” ((And remember, Danica Patrick is one of the boys, btw)).
And it was a fight to finish over the last 100 laps of one of the longest and most grueling race in motorsports (the 24hrs of Le Mans, Daytona, and Sebring being the other 3). Jimmie Johnson was playing a fuel mileage strategy, but with less than 2 laps to go he had to surrender. Austin Dillon was also doing the fuel mileage thing and last year’s winner Martin Truex Jr, on plenty of fuel was gaining on him and breathing down his ass.
But even Truex had to let up on the final lap, and Austin Dillon, driving the legendary #3 Chevrolet that Dale Earnhardt drove, got his 1st Cup Series victory. Dillon didn’t have enough fuel left to do burnouts, but he got his crew together and all of them did Dillon’s trademark bully-flop slide through the grass before the drew pushed the #3 xxxx Chevrolet to Victory Lane.
Meanwhile, Arsene’s Victory Parademobile made a few imperious taunting toots as they made their way past Stamford Bridge enroute back to…..
I watched the replay of this one as well, hoping against hope.
But no….the result was still the same.