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It’s Talledaga, Baby!! Spring 2012 Edition

tits at talladega
It’s Talladega 2012, Baby!! And there will be no more of THIS!!

Tomorrow is the day we’ve been waiting for!! The first Talladega race of 2012. With the changes NASCAR made that were tried and shown to be true at Daytona, there should be far less of the not so vaguely homo-erotic tandem drafting, and more of the good ol’ pack drafting. And with the temps at Talladega forecast to be into the 90’s on Sunday, overheating will be a big concern and cut down even more on the the horrible tw0-car drafting that makes we want to pluck me bloody eyes out and serve them spread on toast points with a side of brie.

Daytona proved that the tandem drafting can become a horrifying aberration of the past, and today’s Nationwide race ((more on that later)) confirmed that notion. And finally we can breath a sigh of relief that Talledega will get back to being what it was always meant to be about!!



It’s Talladega, Baby!! And you know what THAT means!!  CUTE SCHOOLGIRLS!!!

Yes. Cute Schoolgirls!! Wholesome and True!! Cute fluffy puppy dogs, and ice cream on the front porch swing. THAT’S what Talladega is all about!!

Anyway….two years ago we were all complaining about drafting parades and wishing for more passing. Now…we gladly embrace the drafting parades as a comforting return to normalcy. Now we can all it back with our ice tea and cornbread and watch the spectacle unfold, secure in our knowledge that once again all is right with the world.


It’s Talladega, Baby!!!


Well….I can see no one’s buying in to my vision of sweetness and light. Alright alright…..I’ll get to it and give you what you want, instead of what you need. But…save me some of that ice tea and cornbread, for I shall surely need some when this is done.




Gentlemen…..START YOUR ENGINES!!!!



Chelsea 2     Liverpool 0

While the lads were qualifying for tomorrow’s Aaron’s 499 at Talladega, my Chelsea Blues were playing in the Super Bowl of England. The FA Cup. The beat the hell of Liverpool and then held on as ‘Pool’s Andy Carroll almost headed in the equaliser. The entire ball did not cross the plane of the goal so it was no goal….in the NFL, any part of the ball over the plane of the goal is a score…in soccer, no. Ramires opened the scoring at the 11 minute mark with a beautiful sweet shot into the right corner of the net. Drogba added to the tally at the xx mark. And as I said, Chelsea held on for the win.

I must confess that I was did not watch the game, and shall forever hang my head in shame. Or until tomorrow, whichever comes first. I was upgrading the Dairyland BJD forum….lost in world of PHP code and SQL databases. And when I say lost, while not utterly, I mean that with a sardonic kernel of truth.

But we’re not here to discuss ball-jointed dolls or association football, so let’s just Keep The Blue Flag Flying and move along.



It’s TALLADEGA, Baby!! And that means….DANICA PATRICK!!!

The Nationwide race came down to a stunning and frightening spectacle at the end. Eric McClure was airlifted to the hospital in Birmingham after a frightening crash straight into the wall after a bunch of fucksticks got all over their skis during the first attempt at a green-white-checkered finish.

Danica finished 13th, but for a good bit of the latter part of the race she was in the top 10. She also lead the race for awhile thanks to nice push from Elliot Sadler. Talladega is crap shoot on the best of days, and 10, 12 more laps and little more intelligence up ahead of her and she would have made it back up to the top 10, maybe top 5. As the final green-white-checkered attempt unfolded, Danica, who was caught up the Mc Clure wreck, made her way to from the back and while Joey Logano slingshotted himself past Kyle Busch for the win, Danica was squeezed up into the wall by Sam Hornish Jr. Needless to say, that was not a bright move on Sam’s part regardless of the reason. Danica caught up with him and gave him a little Keviun Harvick style bitch-slap into the wall. Probably not a bright move on Danica’s part either. But then again, she’s probably wanted to do that to Hornish for years…but she just could do it in an Indy Car. Have at it Boys, indeed!!



It’s Talladega, Baby!!!  And that means Jeff Gordon’s a homo!!

Jeff Gordon is on the pole for tomorrow’s Aarons 499, he could very well go wire to wire. It’s not beyond the realm of reason. He’s due for a win, not as much as his erstwhile teammate Junior is due for a win, but he’s due. Gordon’s last win was at Atlanta last year, and…this season he’s be pretty much blowing chunks. Like him or not, he’s too good of a driver to be blowing chunks. So….he’s due. Not that’s I’ll be rooting for him. Don’t look at me.

Obviously, I’d like to Kenseth or Junior win it. But fate at Talledaga always has the upper hand. So even though he’s be odds on to do it, there’s no good odds on Gordon going wire to wire. Clint Bowyer, for some inexplicable reason has been doing well there lately. A dark house could sure do it…..the Dinger tees off second. Would be cool if he won it. Same for Marcus Ambrose… though Ambrose is more likely to notch his second NASCAR Sprint Cup win at Sears Point or Watkins Glen. Maybe Juan Pablo could make up for his spectacular bit of argy-bargy at Daytona by notching that elusive win? Who knows. All I know about Talladega is you are guaranteed mayhem, beer, and TITS!! Get that BEER on ice and be ye ready for the hallucinogenic roar.



In case you were wondering, this post has been rated SAFE for DRIVING,  but it’s NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!

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