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Is There A Doctor In The House??

Jose Mourinho meme
Josde Mourinho memeManchester City 3      Chelsea o


There is always more to everything than meets the eye.

But sometimes, what meets the eye is all you need to know. For example: SCOREBOARD! !

Manchester City roasted Chelsea. Tore the blue flag from their hands as if they were stealing candy from sweet little children and burned that flag and shat on it. No, scratch that. They shat on the blue flag first, THEN burned it

There is no denying the facts. 3 to nill.1 There might be underlying factors to explain it all. My tendency in most cases is to not let the facts get in the way of the truth. And at the end of this day at least, the truth, whatever that may be, in light of a 3-0 beatdown, is utter bollocks.

But…fock it!! Why let THAT fact stop me?

Now I’m not going to blame that 3-0 loss on Chelsea’s medical staff. After all, there was nothing any Doctor could do about the way Chelsea comported themselves on the pitch. And I suppose if they had the lads in locker room at halftime go through the “Drop Yer Drawers!! COUGH!!” routine, they might have found something amiss. But that would not have altered or effected the final score in any way.

However, an astute observer would have noticed though that Dr. Eva Carneiro and Dr, Jon Fearn were not on the bench for the Man City tilt. Instead, there were two eager beaver Boy Scouts who’s just gotten their First Aid merit badges all-ready to go out and TREAT on Jose’s signal.


Anyway, no blame on them.

But, had they been at The Bridge instead of at The Etihad, Jose should have gotten on the tannoy2 and put out the call: “IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE???”

Not that it would have made a focking bit of difference….





doctor3Chelsea’s New Medical Staff??  Oh HELL Yes!!!


After the previous Saturday’s opening 2-2 draw at The Bridge to Swansea, Dr. Eva Carneiro and Dr. Jon Fearn who are Chelsea’s #1 and #2 team doctors, respectively, were demoted in a fit of petulance on Jose Mourinho’s part and banished from the sidelines. They’d had the temerity of going on to the pitch during the last two minutes of stoppage time (at the request of head referee Jon Moss) to treat Eden Hazard. In other words, they were doing their job.

Whether or not Hazard was feigning injury to waste a little time, which is a possibility, has utterly no relevance since the referee called for them to come. So on they came.

When a player is treated by the Doctors on the pitch3,the player must leave the pitch until the ref waves him back on. What pissed Jose off was that Hazard would have to come off leaving Chelsea down to 9 men4.

So in his presser after the 2-2 draw, Jose blamed the medical staff. Dr. Carneiro and Dr. Fearn in particular.

To say or think that all this argy-bargy regarding Dr. Eva Carneiro & Co has had no effect on the team is utterly naive. This has become an ugly situation that makes it hard for a even a die hard fan like myself to comfortably keep the blue flag flying high. The effect on the team has got to be even more egregious since it drains the focus and energy away from their shoddy game performance.

Maybe that was Jose’s scheme to put up a front, as he likes to do, but what a terrible way to go about it. A lot of coaches say one thing in public, and behind the scenes, in the locker room, on the training ground, another.

But this mess about the medical staff is, to be honest, a piss-poor way to go about it.



doctor7Arsenal, for example, doesn’t have a problem with its medical staff!   5


Why would there suddenly be a major issue with medical staff one game into the season??

Not bloody likely I would think. If, as has been alleged, that there have been issues with Carneiro and her staff lingering from last season, the time and place to deal with that is behind closed doors during the off season. Have a change made before the season begins and get off to a fresh start.

doctor4The new medical staff takes care of Diego Costa’s hamstring problems…


Jose likes to deflect blame and play mind games and all, and ofttimes it’s the right thing to do and can be vastly entertaining, but this is one mind game too far. It’s smacks not just of arrogance…it also reeks of failure. A sense of doom…all the brave words about this upcoming season are just that, words not deeds.

There is nothing that Dr Carniero and her staff did during the Swansea match that had any impact on that sorry result, potentially or otherwise. To suddenly rant and rave about their actions when the game was pretty much done and dusted by the players themselves in the first 92 minutes is worse than disingenuous..

For once, some honesty might actually be refreshing instead of the usual happy horseshit. The post-game presser should have gone something like this:

Pundit: “Mr. Mourinho, what did you think of the execution of your squad today?”

Jose: “I’d be in favour of it…”

There. Problem solved.




doctor5John Terry was hauled off at halftime. He was not pleased.


History was during the 3-0 ManCity romp when John Terry was hauled off at halftime and replaced by Kurt Zouma. Never in the entire history of the Universe has The Captain, Leader, Legend been replaced at halftime for tactical reasons.

Jose, already out-tacticted by Manuel Pelligrino 6, gave the tactical reason for replacing John Terry stating that Zouma has more pace and quickness7.

But the real tactic Jose was xxxx there had nothing t do with the game at hand.

It was more of a tactic to demonstrate to Roman Abromovich that he’s better loosen the purse strings a bit and let Jose sign the players he wants.

So facts be damned!!

The truth is that within a descending/ascending series of hours, Pedro was signed from Barcelona giving a solid, talented new striker to front the line.




eva carneiroPedro gets his medical….


So Dr. Eva Carneiro has been demoted from team Doctor to team Nurse, or words to that effect. At least for the time being.

And as long as Pedro and John Stones and whoever else drops his drawers, coughs, and nothing happens, then all will be fairly semi-normal.

But there’s still no excuse for Jose’s petulance.

And whatever facts that will emerge, can’t get in the way of THAT truth.




  1. 21-0 for you chimpskulls who can only think in NFL terms.
  2. That’s the PA System for you bleedin’ Yanks. In England, and yes, Scotland, the PA system are made Tannoy Ltd. headquartered in Coatbridge Scotland
  3. Even if it’s only to spray a little fairie dust on an owwie and say “Get UP you Big Girl!!”
  4. Earlier in the match, goalie Theobauld Courtois was handed a red card marked GO TAKE A SHOWER at the 52nd minute.
  5. Even though it seems every Arsenal player is always injured half the time.
  6. pun intended
  7. He does, btw.

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