In keeping with the current theme and mood and mode of hopelessness and despair, it pains me greatly to report a VERY disturbing new development in the world of NASCAR, specifically in the Camping World Truck series. This is a development so shocking to me that I can barely find the right words to wrap around it…I would much rather poke at it with a stick from a great distance. This development is beyond the pale and so exemplary of what is wrong with this terrible new decade…and it is being rolled out in a manner that is mind-numbingly at odds with anything involving class, style, taste and dignity. And yes, I know that NASCAR is not the standard-bearer for anything involving class, style, dignity, taste, culture…etc…but even by NASCAR’s admittedly low-brow standards, this really plumbs depths that I never even knew existed.
Follow me down this path of terror if you dare.
While the original announcement of this horror was on NASCAR.com, and since I refuse to post any pictures of this nightmare in making on my bloog, I will point you further down the corridor of despond to the article that alerted me to this abomination: NASTruck Puts Twin Cosmetologists In Trucks. Please, by all means muster the courage to click that link and see for yourself.
Yes. You just read all that right. No one, unfortunately is kidding about that. Yes. If you still are in disbelief, read Raygan Swan’s article on NASCAR.com: Truck Series Is About To Get A Double Injection Of Style. ((Style?? WTF??)) Those two skanktastic broads ARE indeed Amber and Angela Cope, the nieces of Derrike Cope. Yes, THAT Derrike Cope, the improbable winner of the 1990 Daytona 500 who has parlayed that one win into a career of stunning mediocrity. I’d heard that someday maybe his niece’s would be racing…but…it never imagined the horror of THIS.
I cannot bring myself to soil my bloog with their images, but there is NOTHING about them that conveys STYLE. With the whore makeup, the whore tans ((and really now, no HUMAN being should EVER be that colour!)), the whore platinum blonde hair, and all the other attendent bullshit like how Angela fears the NASCAR world won’t take them seriously, saying, “I think the obstacles we run into is that we are girly girls, we are blonde and everyone thinks that we are out to be models not racers. We will make our mark in this sport, earn everyone’s respect and look great. There has to be a woman driver that will have it all.” And dig this, these two broads when to cosmetology school!! What the hell?? Did they somehow fail all their lesson?? LOOK at them for fuck sake!!
But what really gets me about this is not the total and utter sadness of it all, not the declassé parade towards doom. After all, in this dark and lonely world, it is probably a bit funny and definitely pathetic and it will all go away soon enough, I hope, and we can resume our usual anguish and despair.
No, what drubs me about all this is how Raygan Swan of NASCAR.com seem to gush all over this fiasco waiting to happen. I suppose, as a reporter, she has to be polite, but really now, Raygan, what do you REALLY think?? That I guess, but more so how this sham is being foisted on NASCAR like it’s a great opportunity and empowering women and all that dross. They want a chance to make it…well that’s nice. They should have a chance…but really now, shut the hell up and work your way up the hard way to the Nationwide and the Truck series like Tina Gordon, and the Cup series like Shawna Robinson. Put in the seat time and spare us the blonde bimbo bullshit. Tina and Shawna worked hard to get, essentially nowhere. But I have enormous respect for them. They were not in the best equipment and they were always running short on sponsorship, but they had real style and real grace.
Unlike THESE two!! Now I’m sure they’re nice girls, and all. But Jesus fuck anyway!!
I guess I’ll stop now and move on to other Lost Souls for a minute.
Reed Sorenson, NASCAR’s Billie Jo Armstrong lookalike, was bumped from his #43 ride at Richard Petty Enterprises at the end of last season. Richard Petty had merged with Gillette/Evernham to form Richard Petty Motorsports, and now RPM is merging with Yates Racing. You with me on that so far? Okay…so A.J Allmendinger (yes THAT A.J. Allmendinger, the one who was Champ Car World Series Rookie of the Year in 2004) takes over the ride, and Reed joins The Lost Souls of NASCAR. In 2010, Sorenson will share seat time with Brian Vickers in Braun Racing’s #32 Dollar General Toyota in the Nationwide Series. He will also race 5 race in Spring Cup for Braun, in you guessed it, a #32 Dollar General Toyota.
David Stremme, who was boosted from the #12 Penske Dodge in favour of Brad Kesolowski, with 5 races to go last season is looking for a Sprint Cup ride. But given his less than stellar performance, it’s not very likely in this stern and terrible economic climate that has left us all in despair. Sponsorship dollars are harder to come by than ever. You know things are tough when, as I write this, a Winston Cup Champion like Matt Kenseth doesn’t have full sponsorship for his ride in 2010. Crown Royal has 18 of Matt’s races, and Valvoline has 3. Kenseth and Roush Racing still have to find sponsorship for 15 more races.
Casey Mears could be odd-man out at Richard Childress Racing. So far, there is no funding for the #07 car since Jack Daniels has ended it’s sponsorship and left the sport. Other lost souls include Scott Riggs, Tony Raines, and David Gillilland and other assorted 60 watt bulbs. And many, like, Travis Kvapil and Scott Wimmer will cling, in 2010, to rides of dubious distinction and questionable sponsorship.
All of which makes the Cope Twins Fiasco all that more confoundedly horrible. Maybe they can find some Japanese Whore Makeup Fashion Shop to sponsor them. But I hope not. I hope it all goes away before I hang myself in despair along with all the other truly Lost Souls of NASCAR.
In an odd bit of NASCAR news, Nelson Piquet Jr., the son of 3 time F1 Champion Nelson Piquet, has bailed out of F1 with a fire on his ass for deliberately crashing his car at the 2008 Singapore Gran Prix to help team-mate Fernando Alonso win. Piquet Jr. will be racing the Camping World truck series in 2010. The scandal from that crash resonated through the F1 world. Hmmm. Hoping he can redeem himself in America. Hmmmm. I’m not going to mention that Patrick Carpentier and Jacques Villenueve are also looking for rides. Hmmmm.
And on a happy note, my Chelsea Blues took Sunderland out behind the woodshed at Stamford Bridge today and gave them a sound thrashing, 7-2. Florant Malouda and Frank Lampard scored 2 goals each. Ashley Cole’s goal at the 22 minute mark was the 18,000th goal scored in Premier League history. A solid performance by the Blues which kept them on the top of the Premier League table 1 point up on Manchester United.
And finally, my favorite new anime show of the 2010 Winter season, so far, is So-Ra-No-Wo-To. I am liking this show and the direction it is going a lot for reasons that will gradually be revealed. And now, I will leave you with one of those reasons as I fade away into the dark and lonely world.