- By Fat Nakago
- 4 March, 2014
- No Comments
Where do I start.
First there’s Eddie Gossage, the aforementioned President of the Texas Motor Speedway, barking out of his ass about Formula 1.
Then, there’s Tony Stewart’s partner in Insanity, Gene Haas, who’s fixin’ to club his way ((pun somewhat, but not really, intended)) into Formula 1 with a brave new team.
Finally, this weekend at Phoenix, NASCAR unveiled it’s new F1-styled qualifying format.
And all of the above, except for the latter, involve the King of European Hell, Bernie Ecclestone.
So what the hell am I supposed to do, anyway? I can’t just sit back and take it.
“How DARE you!!?? How DARE you European facks schedule yer gol-danged US Grand Prix in America in Austin the same goddam weekend of the NASCAR race at MY track in Fort Worth. Where d’ y’all get off scheduling this Euro shit in America to begin with let alone TEXAS USA?? Can’t you run your fackin’ race in one those fackin’ communist frenchie countries……….??”
Or words to that effect.
That was a computer simulation of Eddie Gossage barking out his ass about the US Gran Prix which is scheduled in Austin the same weekend as the AAA Texas 500 at Texas Speedway in Fort Worth. It’s typical Eddie Gossage. All bluster and totally full of shite.
I caught him in the same blustering manner a few years ago when he was having a go at Start & Park teams. And now, he insists on having a go at Formula 1.
He’s butthurt because he feels that F1 will take a percentage of NASCAR fans or racing fans, or any sort of fans.
“Any time you cut something into two pieces, whether it’s 50-50, 60-40 or 99-1, it doesn’t matter who’s got the 99 and who’s got the 1, it’s less than 100 percent,” Gossage bellowed. “It’s just not smart.”
The horror of it, yes?? A major event in TEXAS the VERY SAME WEEKEND as the Texas 500!!! Bloody hell!! How dare ANYONE even THINK of doing something like that?!!
Last year, the USA Gran Prix was on Nov 17th, with the final the following weekend in Brazil. This year, with the inaugural Russian Gran Prix (( and guess what city THAT’S going to be in??)) added in place of the dropped Gran Prix of India, USA is bumped up in the schedule to follow Russia, then it’s off to Brazil, and the finale is at Abu Dhabi.
Basically, Gossage thinks the owners of the Circuit of The America’s are being cowardly in not standing up the Bernie Ecclestone and F1 about the scheduling. Really now?
But here’s the kicker.
Last year’s Texas 500 had a big major sporting event right there in Texas scheduled the very same day. And I’m quite it drew a sizable % of NASCAR fans to it.
The big event? Dallas Cowboys 27, Minnesota Vike-Queens 24 at Cowboys Stadium. You didn’t here Eddie Gossage barking out of his ass about that one now, did you?
Jerry Jones didn’t either.
And guess what? The Cowboys are likely to play at home again this year on the same day as the Texas 500 and the US Grand Prix as well. So maybe Eddie Gossage should take it up with Jerry Jones and Roger Goodell.
“How DARE you!!?? How DARE you NFL facks schedule yer gol-danged Dallas Cowboys game in DALLAS the same goddam weekend of the NASCAR race at MY track in Fort Worth. Where d’ y’all get off scheduling this fackin’ football shit to begin with let alone in TEXAS USA?? Dont’s y’all know NASCAR is KING of AMERICA??!! Can’t you play your fackin’ football game at Wembley in London or in one those fackin’ communist frenchie countries……….??”
Oh bloody hell….
As if Gene Haas did not already have enough crosses to bear, ((tax violations; Tony Stewart; Kevin Harvick; Danica Patrick; Kurt Busch; and himself)), he seems hell bent on adding Bernie Ecclestone to that list.
He has appiled for a Formula 1 license, and if it’s accepted, the plan would be to start racing by the 2015 or the 2016 season. If it goes forward, he’s going it alone without Tony Stewart. Both Haas and F1 have been tight-lipped about the details of this expression of interest. Who will be the technical director? Who will be the drivers? We don’t know. There’s talk of Haas allying with Ferrari which sounds promising. And of course, the team and shop will be based in Concord NC, right next to the Stewart-Haas shops. But the rest, who really knows? Also there’s a team from Romania that’s expressed an interest.
So F1 will have much to consider. Financial viability, of course….after all, if you want to make a small fortune in racing, you gotta start with a large one. It might be a bit hypocritical ofF1 to consider or question any financial liabilities, like tax evasion charges given Bernie Ecclestone checkered past and present. All they really want to know ((As long as the cheque doesn’t bounce)) is can you pay?? They’ll want to make sure that Haas has a grasp of the logistics involved ((you can’t just slap that ride in hauler and head off to Silverstone and then run overf to say, Wilmington, and come smack dab up against the Atlantic Oceans and the go “Oh piss…..NOW what??”
I do have a thought as to how Haas can speed this along and get that license right away. He can bust Bernie Ecclestone a phone call:
“Bernie? Gene here.”
“Yes, Mr. Haas?”
“I have two words for you.”
*long pause on the other end of the line*
“Did you receive my fax?”
“….Hold the wire it’s my fax machine…”
“Well I WILL be damned…!!!
“Mr Haas. Sign it and give me a cheque.”
“A check? You check, Sir, is in the mail.”
*Laughs all around.*
I was looking forward to watching qualifying for last Sunday’s The Profit on CNBC 500k Presented by Small Business Fueling America at Phoenix. The new F1-styled qualifying format implemented this season really intrigued and I was anxious to see it in action. Over in F1, a lot of the excitement and some of the best racing is actually found in the qualifying sessions, especially the final one. I wanted to see if NASCAR could duplicate that.
What I watched on Friday left me feeling a little underwhelmed. In F1, the cars are pout there the whole session. But in the two sessions at Phoenix ((2 sessions instead of three because Phoenix is less than a 1 1/2 mile track)) there was a lot of lulls and downtime where nothing was happening a all. It was not at all what I expected.
One of the issues that the drivers dealt with was overheating. Since most all of them were running qualifying setups, they could only run a few laps at a time before heading in to the pits to cool-down the car. NASCAR did not allow cooling units on pit-road since they didn’t want crews popping the hoods which would give some intrepid crew-chief ((Chad Knaus somehow comes to mind here…I don’t know why…)) the opportunity to make some unauthorized adjustments. But it’s a problem that NASCAR will need to address since it could become a safety concern, as there were speed differential on the track of almost 100mph..and this is on a track were the top speeds run about 130-145mph. For the moment, NASCAR will not allow cooling units. But we shall see.
One of the stated goals of the new qualifying format was to add some excitement to qualifying. On the evidence of Phoenix, I didn’t see much to get excited about, especially with all the lulls and downtime. We’ll see this Friday if Las Vegas has anything more to offer.
Chelsea remains top of the table after Saturday’s 1-3 win against their quiet and mannerly neighbors on the west end of Fulham. Chelsea, for those of you who don’t know, which I assume could be many, are not actually located in their namesake London Borough of Chelsea & Kensington, but in the London Borough of (Hammersmith &) Fulham. Chelsea was named Chelsea because the owners knew that for the team to be successful and make it’s mark, it had to market to the high-steppers, the upscale urban sophisticates and the artiste entertainment and theater crowd from Chelsea & Kensington. As it was in 1905, so it remains today. What I mean is that Chelsea was always from the start a lot more about entertainment than many of the clubs of it’s day. And that entertainment factor remains a big part the Chelsea legacy to this day. That, and now winning everything in sight.
First off, hats off to Andre Schürrle ((not Shirley it’s Schürrle)) for the game winning hat-trick. That span of 17 minutes in the 2nd half when Schürrle scored was a spectacular bit of football. Well-played by one and all. Hazard and Torres providing the service and Schürrle stickin’ it in the back of the net. Quite a few of us Blues fans were wondering when Schürrle was going to be of some use. Well, we can wonder no more.
Secondly, this match up until Schürrle’s first goal on 52 minutes, was probably the worst egregious excuse of a football game ever to be shown on television at 9:00 AM Saturday morning Central Standard Time. If I was watching this on TV in London ((a spectacularly improbable scenario because if I lived in London, I would have tickets to all the Blues games and would have been one of the 24,577 on hand at Craven Cottage)) at 3:00 PM, I would very likely have dozed off for a nice winter’s nap for the entire first half. At halftime, Jose was so pissed with his team that he either, according to reports, glared at them the whole time saying nothing; or, he told them, “This is YOUR fucking mess, YOU clean it up.” I’m figuring what he told them was the latter.
Finally, on the Oscars Sunday night, Ellen Degeneres set the world record for retweets of a selfie. But the top of the pops was John Travolta, Scientologist, who mangled Idina Menzel’s name when he introduced her to perform the Oscar winning best song, “Let It Go” from Disney’s FROZEN. He introduced her as Adele Dazeem. Well, needless to say….
It really didn’t matter what Jae Mazzooon said to his team at halftime. Because the lads came out swinging in the second half, and on the 52nd and 65th minute Ethan Herward set up the first two of three goals by Ahnem Shunter with the third provided by Frederick Thozomas. Despite allowing a cheap consolation to get by goalie Paige Cruz, the rest of the lads did well. Skipper Jan Tufker rallying the defense and getting a yeoman’s effort from Gemma Collins. Brandon-Lee Knight (with a hard K) and Carys Alexernder were solid at right and left back. Natasha Mitcheem, cuptied at Galatasaray returned to anchor the midfield, with Rosie looking quite stylish with his facemask, and Omar a bundle of energy. Yup. Didn’t matter what Jae Mazzooon said. Scoreboard. 1-3 win. Top of the Table. Back of the net!
Now if any football fans were wondering if Travolta was channeling Joe Kinnear….I checked. Yohan Cabaye’s name, travoltified, is Yusuf Colezan, not Yohan Kebab. I’m a little bit disappointed by that, actually.