Just a few moments ago, I made an imaginary challenge to myself. It was a challenge on the order of CHOPPED or something similar, like EXTREME CHEF. Similar, in the metaphorical sense. Metaphorical, in the semiotic sense. Here’s a basket of 4 mystery ingredients like cove serpent, bitter chocolate, miso, and mandarin oranges with which you’ll have to make a perfect entree, in 30 minutes. Or race up the side of that mountain and slaughter a goat and then prepare it with olives that you’ve grown and harvested yourself and cook it all with risotto over a can of of sterno like some drunk in a railyard in the background of an Alan Ginsberg poem. Like that, but even more misguided, using words.
What I did was close my eyes and wave the mouse over all the Europa League matches from Thursday and whichever one I clicked on, THAT’S what I would write about in 500 words or less. I have until 11:45PM to post this so the clock is ticking.
Wisla Kraków has been tearing it up in the Ekstraklasa so far this season. 8 games in they are in third pace, one point behind co-leaders Šlask Wroclaw and Korona Kielce. It’s early in the season but Wisla Kraków is poised to repeat as Ekstraklasa champs. But here’s the deal to consider…the qualified for the Champions League by winning the Ekstraklasa last season. But they were booted out the Champions League by APOEL Nicosia in the playoff round. So Wisla Kraków is dropped to the Europa Group stage where they dwell in the cellar for the moment of Group K with Twente, Fulham, and OB. Not a happy prospect since the brave and terrible match we are considering was won quite handily by the aformentioned Twente by a score 4-1. After an opening tally by Wisla Kraków’s leading scorer, Dudu Biton at the 9 minute mark, Twente slammed 4 goals home in front of the home crowd at De Grolsch Veste in Enschede, Netherlands leaving them tied atop the table with Fulham but ahead of Fulham on goal differential. I love how in the scoreline they show Wisla Kraków as WIS. ((Twente is shown as TWE)). Makes me feel like it’s Twente vs Wisconsin. Very nice. Until Twente blasts those four goals on in, that is.
Not a good start for Wisla Kraków. Or Poland.
Meanwhilst, the aformentioned APOEL sits atop the Champions League Group G table ahead of such luminaries as Zenit St. Petersburg, FC Porto ((think Andre Villas-Boas, and Hulk…yes THAT FC Porto…minus AVB, and yes, Falçao)), and Shaktar Donetsk. Yikes!! A facking team from CYPRUS is atop of that?? THAT can’t last long, can it?? APOEL in the knockout round?? Damn. I don’t have many words left to say something about that. So I won’t.
As for Twente, they drew with Fulham at Craven Cottage. And even though Fulham has become the Prime Minister of the Draw, I think Twente will score a brace at home and sit comfy atop the table and get the better draw in the knockout stage. OB (from Denmark for those of you keeping score in Blue Mounds, Wisconsin)) and Wisla Kraków will go back and win their respective leagues and return for more European torture next year. And with that, I am over my word limit, but not out of time.