It’s Talladega, Baby!!!
It’s the race we’ve been waiting for!! The Aarons 499 from Talladega Superspeedway tees off tomorrow at Noon. Qualifying and all Satruday activities at Talladega have just been canceled as I write this up. The field is set by owner points and Jimmie Johnson and Matt Kenseth start on the front row. But it really doesn’t matter much at ‘Dega who wins the pole. It more a matter of who survives the inevitable mayhem at the end. The spoiler seems to improve the racing at Texas, but ‘Dega will be it’s first real test. Can it keeps the cars out front taking off like goddamn fight-bombers? Can it break up the drafting parades a bit and allow for more passing?
Practice speeds at ‘Dega are not always a strong indicator either of success, since some of the back markers practice in qualifying trim in the hope of garnering some the start and park money. Mike Bliss, for example, notched 197.268 mph in the 2nd practice…the 3rd highest speed. Junior and Jeff Burton and Bad Brad Kesolowski had great practice runs. Burton topped the charts in the 2nd practice at a sizzling 199.467 mph and I’m still (sorta) hanging on to the Jeff Burton Bandwagon by the skin of my teeth. But truth be told, I’d rather see Junior win this one instead of Burton. And, as always, Kenseth for the win over anyone else.
But enough of these feeble words.
It’s Talladega, Baby!!
It’s Talladega, Baby!! And it my first semi-annual fan-service extravaganza. Jimmie Johnson comes into to Talladega with a 108 point lead on Matt Kenseth, but I’m not going to let that rain on our parade here. It’s Talladega, Baby!! And that means, TITS!!
Gentlemen, START YOUR ENGINES!!
I suppose it would inappropriate for me to mention the turmoil at the top the Premier League table as ManU held serve at home against Tottenham 3-1. Arrggh!! All Harry Redknapp’s boys had to do was hold on to a 1-1 draw for 20 minutes after a sweet header by King off a corner kick. But…the defense which stayed away for Chelsea, fell asleep long enough for Nani to boot home a go-head score. A second penalty kick by Giggs was the final tally.
ManCity tips off with Arsenal shortly, and tomorrow, Chelsea has an absolute MUST WIN tilt with Stoke City. And by MUST WIN, I mean they must win by at LEAST 3 or 4 goals. My Blues need to score like hell and defend like hell wont have it.
And we now return to the Talladega Superspeedway:
The Nationwide qualifying was also rained out and the field is set by owners points. Harvick and Edwards tee off on the first row. And while I’m saddened that Jeremy Clements #04 Boudreaux’s Butt Paste Chevrolet does not make the field, we can take comfort that Derrike Cope is denied the opportunity to wreck the fuck out of his #73 Charter Dodge.
All 4 Wallaces make the field, with Chrissy Wallace leading the charge at 18th. Her dad, Mike will roll off 27th, her cousin Steve will tee off 32nd, and Uncle Kenny brings up the rear at 38th. I’m rooting for Chrissy to finish strong. A top 10 would be perfect and it would be the first top ten finish by a female driver at ‘Dega since Tina Gordon did it back in 2003.
But enough about that, time a for a Schlitz. And tits!!
It’s Talladega, Baby!!
So fock the IRL. Fock F1. Fock the Premier League. Fock the NFL and it’s homo-erotic Draft Coverage on ESPN. Fock Baseball and the Milwaukee Brewers’ ass-buggery of the Pittsburgh Pirates. Fock the NHL and NBA playoffs. Fock it all.
It’s Talladega, Baby!! Hope this will keep you focksticks entertained until the green flag is thrown tomorrow and the Talladega Superspeedway roars to life like a hungry sex-crazed beast.