Whose Shake Is This!!?

One of my ongoing frustrations I’ve had over the years has been the general dearth of coverage by the  NASCAR press both mainstream and otherwise, of the inner workings of Roush Fenway racing in general and of Matt Kenseth in particular. A lot of times, it’s more a matter of trying to read tea-leaves, or read between the lines, or extrapolate from what is NOT said rather than what IS said to gain some insight and understanding worthy of analysis.

So it is somewhat refreshing and surprising to read in the wake of the Daytona 500, not one, but TWO  articles on Matt Kenseth and Roush Racing on NASCAR.com.  The first one announced the replacement Matt’s crew chief, Drew Blickensderfer with Todd Parrot. The second article went into the reasoning behind the switch taking us behind the scenes at Rousch Racing.  As I watched Sunday’s race I could tell that Matt was struggling with the #17 Crown Royal Ford. He really couldn’t get any traction in the race. Something was clearly off with the setup and nothing much seemed to be done during the race to change or adjust it. And how he snuck into the top 10 at the end to finish 8th, I honestly don’t know. And neither does Matt, to be honest.  He made the top 10 in spite of everything.

I think the crew-chief change was long over due. Since Robbie Reiser left the war wagon, Matt has struggled with 2 crew-chiefs who technically were very competent and bright, but didn’t and don’t have the forceful personality and leadership skills that Robbie Reiser had. Chip Bolen was over his skis as a leader. Blick got Matt off to a great start last year but couldn’t sustain it.

Todd Parrott will be a great asset to Matt and his team. His forceful personality will galvanize a team that has under-performed.  Today’s Auto Club 500 at Fontana will have BOTH Parrott and Reiser atop the #17 war wagon. All hands on deck, indeed.

Meanwhile, speaking of last Sunday’s Daytona 500…

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“I have to come to here give your great news…”

Ladies and Gentlemen,  start your engines. Danicamania is here at last!! Yes, Evil Ones, Danica Patrick is finally here to save NASCAR. It’s real. It’s happening. It’s happening in the happening world. Scanalyze that name!! Christ, what an imagination I have!!  There’s the obligatory GoDaddy.com video. Ditto!! She will be racing a part-time schedule in 2010 driving the #7 GoDaddy.com Chevrolet for JR Motorsports. Snappy!! Her first official stock car race will be the ARCA race at Daytona on Feb 6,  2010.  Fabulous!! A smart move all the way around. A boost for NASCAR. Fuck that limp dick Drive For Diversity bullshit! It’s DANICAMANIA, Baby!! I can’t hardly wait!!

But I got to thinking about that news conference where they made the announcement with GoDaddy CEO Bob Parsons and Kelly Earnhardt from JR Motorsports. If you go watch that video again, it seemed rather forced, strained, and far less entertaining that what you’d expect from an over-the-top company like GoDaddy.com….not that I was expecting to see Danica Patrick and Kerry Earnhardt mud-wrestle naked and take a shower together mind you. But it seemed almost amatuerish, unexpectedly so. Like something a couple of interns threw together at the last minute. And I think one of the interns forgot to make the applause sign….I mean, how hard is THAT….what does it take…a big red magic marker and a chunk of poster board?  After all, Bob Parsons has a video blog wtf!! Hmmmm…..I wonder what’s missing from this picture. Remind me to keep an eye on the emotional dynamics underlying this as the weeks and days roll merrily along.

What they REALLY should have done is had a press conference done up like an episode of Queen For A Day. With Bob Parsons as Jack Bailey, and Kelly Earnhardt as fashion commentator. And if they could have gotten Junior himself up to wearing those goofy nerdy glasses announcer Gene Baker wore…it would have been perfect!!

Bob Parsons: “Would YOU like to be Queen for a day?”

Danica Patrick: “Oh yes, Bob. I really REALLY would!”

Bob: “So…what would you like if you’re elected our Queen?”

Danica: “I want to win the Daytona 500 and the Sprint Cup Championship and the Indy 500 and the IRL Championship. And that…that meanie, Dan Wheldon is….such a BEANDOG!! “

((Pssst! Cue that Applause Meter, interns!!))

Bob: “I now crown you Queen Danica….Queen For A Day!!”

And as Danica Patrick and Kelly Earnhardt walk off together into a brave new future…while Bob Parsons posts on his video blog his NEW trademark slogan: “Make every woman a queen, for every single day!”…. it should be duly noted that there is also a new King that hath been crowned.

And he doesn’t seem to be the happiest of Kings…

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