A loutish and insipic presentation of scurrilous incoherent ramblings and other dull tedious shite arranged in a convenient and affable chronological format.
I was almost too perfect too even expect it to happen, but it did. Dale Earnhardt Jr. drove the #3 Wrangler Chevrolet to victory in the Subway Jalapeno 250 at Daytona Friday night. It was a car that was an homage and tribute to his late father…a car his father drove to victory many times in his hallowed Hall of Fame career….a car Dale Sr. won two of his championships in. It was a car that Junior would drive for the last time, and never again. No more # 3 EVER!
So it HAD to go to victory lane. There was no way it couldn’t, and many ways it couldn’t. And remarkably, as the laps were winding down, Junior and the #3 car team found a way to win. It was a brilliant and wondrously emotional moment. It simply HAD to be. There no way that fate or god or Kyle Busch was going to keep #3 from winning the damn thing. It was a great tribute to the late Dale Earnhardt and the #3, which are 2 of the most enduring memes of NASCAR…and 2 of its most endearing memories.
Now the concept of meme has been greatly abused in this brave and terrible world of 4-chan and all that dross. But it still can be of some use other than for cheap comedy. So I got to thinking…maybe memes can be used for smart, intelligent and obscure comedy. Maybe memes or a reasonable approximation thereof can reveal a truth or two about the world that otherwise would have gone unnoticed. So I thought it would be interesting to see what would happen if I stuck the picture of Junior in Victory Lane into a meme generator of some sort.
I thought about it and decided to use the Multi-Image Service at: http://iqdb.org/ What IQDB does is search multiple anime image databases for images that are similar to the one you enter. Usually it is used by people who have an image and don’t know the source…what anime, manga, or hentai game the image is from. Or they’re looking for some similar type of image. So I thought to myself, why not see what comes up.
So on the first go at it, the picture in the middle, above, by artist Jitsu Hidari, was one of the images that came up. Now mind you, the similarity is more metaphorical than actual. The similarities that result from using non-anime/manga images usually ranged between 27 and 42%. I was pleased with the image you see above, and amused that some of the images that came up were on the filthy side.
But then the porch-light came on and I thought….aha!!! Diego Maradona is out there!! And THAT’s when the curtain rose and the music began to play. The results of this little skit, a tale in 6 parts, are after the jump. All images are what IQDB came up with as being similar to the source image. Every picture is worth a thousand words or more, and some of these pictures have a LOT to say!!
Ladies and Gentlemen, start your engines. Danicamania is here at last!! Yes, Evil Ones, Danica Patrick is finally here to save NASCAR. It’s real. It’s happening. It’s happening in the happening world. Scanalyze that name!! Christ, what an imagination I have!! There’s the obligatory GoDaddy.com video. Ditto!! She will be racing a part-time schedule in 2010 driving the #7 GoDaddy.com Chevrolet for JR Motorsports. Snappy!! Her first official stock car race will be the ARCA race at Daytona on Feb 6, 2010. Fabulous!! A smart move all the way around. A boost for NASCAR. Fuck that limp dick Drive For Diversity bullshit! It’s DANICAMANIA, Baby!! I can’t hardly wait!!
But I got to thinking about that news conference where they made the announcement with GoDaddy CEO Bob Parsons and Kelly Earnhardt from JR Motorsports. If you go watch that video again, it seemed rather forced, strained, and far less entertaining that what you’d expect from an over-the-top company like GoDaddy.com….not that I was expecting to see Danica Patrick and Kerry Earnhardt mud-wrestle naked and take a shower together mind you. But it seemed almost amatuerish, unexpectedly so. Like something a couple of interns threw together at the last minute. And I think one of the interns forgot to make the applause sign….I mean, how hard is THAT….what does it take…a big red magic marker and a chunk of poster board? After all, Bob Parsons has a video blog wtf!! Hmmmm…..I wonder what’s missing from this picture. Remind me to keep an eye on the emotional dynamics underlying this as the weeks and days roll merrily along.
What they REALLY should have done is had a press conference done up like an episode of Queen For A Day. With Bob Parsons as Jack Bailey, and Kelly Earnhardt as fashion commentator. And if they could have gotten Junior himself up to wearing those goofy nerdy glasses announcer Gene Baker wore…it would have been perfect!!
Bob Parsons: “Would YOU like to be Queen for a day?”
Danica Patrick: “Oh yes, Bob. I really REALLY would!”
Bob: “So…what would you like if you’re elected our Queen?”
Danica: “I want to win the Daytona 500 and the Sprint Cup Championship and the Indy 500 and the IRL Championship. And that…that meanie, Dan Wheldon is….such a BEANDOG!! “
((Pssst! Cue that Applause Meter, interns!!))
Bob: “I now crown you Queen Danica….Queen For A Day!!”
And as Danica Patrick and Kelly Earnhardt walk off together into a brave new future…while Bob Parsons posts on his video blog his NEW trademark slogan: “Make every woman a queen, for every single day!”…. it should be duly noted that there is also a new King that hath been crowned.
I’m not quite sure what possessed me to even THINK about doing this, but since I hardly have an original thought in my head, it does not surprise me in the least, despite any semblance of judgement, better or otherwise, that might reside somewhere within me, albeit deeply buried, that I actually attempted this at all. Also, it should come as no surprise that I didn’t pursue this quixotic jackassery in the privacy of my own home, fat white ass in my recliner with a 42 pack of DAB and a bag of pork rinds. Nope. I grabbed my notebook and my pink pen and made straight for Mt. Horeb’s very own FIREHOUSE BAR to capture the Brickyard 400 in the relentlessly smokefilled puerililty of the descending series of moments that loom larger than life in that little home away from home on the corner of 1st & Front Street in downtown Mt. Horeb, Wisconsin.
I will also say straight out that I am stealing the concept of this from blog好き, which is arguably one the best anime bloogs out there. Do you honestly think I could come up with this on my own? Of course you don’t. Also, since Twitter has suddenly become all the horrible rage, you might think that this is a relatively new and trendy phonomenon. It is not. Jason, who published the aformentioned blog好きhas been doing this for quite some time. My appropriation of the concept also has nothing to do whatsoever with the horrors of Twitter, and all that social networking dross.
As I said, whatever madness propelled me to do this will most certainly be revealed shortly.
All images presented here are for homage and review and informational purposes only.
All rights are retained by their creators and are not for commercial use.
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