Whose Shake Is This!!?

I’m not sure if this brief interlude between posts meant that I needed the time to absorb some vital or essential knowledge about motorsports, football, poetry, music which I hate, science fiction which I also hate, or whether this interlude simply resulted from laziness or a lack of courage. Perhaps all of the above. Or none of it. The NASCAR Hall of Fame inducted it’s inuagural class, a pantheon of spectacular brilliance: Bill France Sr, Bill France Jr, Richard Petty, Dale Earnhardt, and Junior Johnson, and I watched every moment of it. The All Star race came and went and vanished into memory with a tumultuous finish. Kurt Busch grabbed the glory and the Million Dollar Check. I went and grabbed (the next day at The Firehouse) a tall glass of ice and a bottle of Miller Lite for the quintessential Polish Victory Lap that is my custom when Kurt Busch wins a race. And Kurt’s younger brother Kyle, whose hopes of winning the aforementioned race were dashed during the final moments while racing his teammate Denny Hamlin for the win, when Hamlin squeezed him up into the wall, and a few laps later Kyle blew a tire and that was the end of it. Or would have had Kyle not threatened to KILL his team-mate Hamlin. (More on THAT in a moment)

So all of the above, and all the stars in the sky. All of that and the REAL Super Bowl…the UEFA Champions League Final. Last Saturday in Madrid. Barcelona 2  Bayern München 0. Yes…the glory and grace of the game, and the glory and grace of Venessa Redgrave in the movie Letters To Juliet. Nothing and everything to think about. I watched the countless stars as they vanished, like the words I’m writing now.

I toss these words off into the darkness like little stones skipping across the moonlit water.  Hoping against hope that they might rise up into the sky and shine there for at least one or two descending series of moments before dropping into the murky depth. After all, not many people take the time to dive into the deep water, to plumb the darkness for the sparkling treasure hidden there.

But lets go see what’s down there.

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It’s Talladega, Baby!!!

It’s the race we’ve been waiting for!! The Aarons 499 from Talladega Superspeedway tees off tomorrow at Noon. Qualifying and all Satruday activities at Talladega have just been canceled as I write this up. The field is set by owner points and Jimmie Johnson and Matt Kenseth start on the front row. But it really doesn’t matter much at ‘Dega who wins the pole. It more a matter of who survives the inevitable mayhem at the end. The spoiler seems to improve the racing at Texas, but ‘Dega will be it’s first real test. Can it keeps the cars out front taking off like goddamn fight-bombers? Can it break up the drafting parades a bit and allow for more passing?

Practice speeds at ‘Dega are not always a strong indicator either of success, since some of the back markers practice in qualifying trim in the hope of garnering some the start and park money. Mike Bliss, for example, notched 197.268 mph in the 2nd practice…the 3rd highest speed. Junior and Jeff Burton and Bad Brad Kesolowski had great practice runs. Burton topped the charts in the 2nd practice at a sizzling 199.467 mph and I’m still (sorta) hanging on to the Jeff Burton Bandwagon by the skin of my teeth. But truth be told, I’d rather see Junior win this one instead of Burton. And, as always, Kenseth for the win over anyone else.

But enough of these feeble words.

It’s Talladega, Baby!!

It’s Talladega, Baby!! And it my first semi-annual fan-service extravaganza. Jimmie Johnson comes into to Talladega with a 108 point lead on Matt Kenseth, but I’m not going to let that rain on our parade here. It’s Talladega, Baby!! And that means, TITS!!

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DAMN the damned ability of Jimmie Johnson and the evil mechanations of Chad Knaus!!

The top of the lineup for this evening’s Subway Fresh Fit 600 from Phoenix is full of WTF?  I mean that sincerely. A.J. Allmendinger will tee it off first alongside Scott Speed. In the next row, Sam Hornish Jr and Marcus Ambrose tee off 3rd and 4th respective. I mean really…WTF??  These guys are no back markers, mind you, but really…what the shit. This is like a Final Four of all mid-majors duking it out (pun not intended). This is like a Final Four of Butler, Weber State, UTEP and Siena or something. Who the hell are these guys and what the hell are they doing here?

Well, I hope it lasts. But I have my doubts. The next 4 out are Junior, Logano, Montoya and Truex. And lurking back in 16th on the starting grid, using the same chassis ((that would be Chassis No. 540 for those of you keeping score at home)) he used to win at Phoenix last fall is Jimmie Johnson who is currently at the top the of the table 14 points up on The Biff, and 16 points up on Matt Kenseth, who would be in the lead if naught for the petulance of That Homo Jeff Gordon.

Obviously, these mid-markers will not be there at the end even though Allmendinger DID have a fast 2nd practice speed. It pains me to say this, but the odds on favourite to win this tonight is Jimmie Johnson. He holds the record for most wins at Phoenix. I hate the thought of that. The same dull tedious shite at the top of the table. I suppose fans of Sunderland and Blackburn are right sick as well of Chelsea, Arsenal and Man U always at the top of the table.

Now Junior qualified well, and the Busch boys, especially Kurt usually fare well here. Kyle won last night’s Nationwide race despite being black-flagged. Mark Martin won last spring’s race here and has 2 career wins at Phoenix. Jeff Burton does well here and I’m still on the bandwagon. So there is some measure of hope for us who would like to see the excellence of Jimmie Johnson’s damned ability cut down to size, or, rather see a different form of excellent arise from the ashes of our boredom. Will this happen? Or will our hopes be dashed again.

By the time you will most likely read this, you will already know the answer. I wonder if there is anything you don’t already know!

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Silly Season is finally over. There is a less than a day to go…23 hours and change as I begin writing this, ’til the start of the Daytona 500. And as I write some of this, Danica Patrick’s quest to save NASCAR has begun in earnest with the Drive4COPD 300 Nationwide race at Daytona. But tomorrow, the green flag drops and 43 drivers tee it off at the Daytona 500.

However, the fairways looks a bit different than last year. Over the winter, Silly Season reared it’s silly head and some big names in NASCAR have for all intents and purposes disappeared forever. Sponsors like DeWalt, Jack Daniels, and Jim Beam have fled the sport. Teams have merged and remerged and re-remerged as vastly different entities. It’s really been hard even for me to get my arms around all this and get up to speed for the 2010 season.

Most of the usual suspects are still around, but some of them have found themselves in suspicious circumstances…

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