Whose Shake Is This!!?

Netherlands 0   Spain 1

Nothing can console the sad Dutch fans who saw their lads lose to a more skillful Spanish squad in what was perhaps the ugliest football match of all time….perhaps the ugliest sporting event of all time ((although there are several hockey games that could fall into that category)). Referee Howard Webb appeared as the match commenced to allow the lads to have at it…he didn’t call it close at first…but the game quickly got out of hand. That’s when Webb reigned them in, started calling it tight. That’s the rain of yellow cards began, and pretty soon it was downpour. The Dutch were clearly out finessed by Spain, so they resorted to what they know best….thuggery of the sort that would have given even the Philadelphia Flyers of the 70′s, the nefarious Broad Street Bullies, pause. So the Dutch gooned it up and a record 14yellow cards were handed out, including a red card to John Heitinga for his second yellow card, but no red card was shown to Nigel de Jong for a kick-punch to Xavi Alonso’s ribs worthy of the most brutal and ugly homo-erotic MMA match.

All that said, the strategy almost worked for the Dutch. Arjen Robben had several breakaway chances. But he couldn’t capitalize on the efforts of his goon squad. In the end, it was Andres Iniesta (yes, THAT Andres Iniesta =P) who cashed in on Spain’s finesse. Spain reminded me more of the Edmonton Oilers…a squad of pure skaters with precision passing. Now Iniesta is no Wayne Gretzky, but he came through when it counted, like Gretzky’s lesser known scoring partner, Jari Kurri, with a superbly crafted goal in the 116th minute.

It was an ugly game. And while Spain deserved to win. It was as ugly and terrible as watching 6-3 Cleveland Browns/Buffalo Bills tilt , game 15, in the horrible December of a brutal NFL season.

The consolation game on Saturday was so much better. And some interesting developments from that match are after the break.

Read the rest of this entry »

Why I have not shot myself in the head because Jimmie Johnson won his 2nd focking race in a row at Las Vegas last Sunday, is an utter and total mystery to me at moment, especially in light of the fact that none other than Jeff Gordon (yes THAT homo Jeff Gordon) pretty much said that Jimmie Johnson’s utter dominance of NASCAR is boring as focking hell. Not in those exact words mind you, but you can pretty much read between the lines. When even Jeff Gordon thinks his protege is boring as piss, what I’ve been saying about Jimmie Johnson all along has strayed from merely being my humble opinion to plain focking truth.

Evil mechanations of Chad Knaus.? Check! At Vegas, on the final pit stops, Knaus called for a 4 tire stop. Gordon’s crew chief Steve Latarte called for 2 tires to maintain track position.

Damned ability of Jimmie Johnson? Check! Johnson was able to cruise through the field and with 4 fresh tires, blasted by Gordon for the boring and tedious win.

It’s hard to hate Jimmie Johnson. It really is. He’s good guy. He’s honest, hard-working, straightforward, and exceedingly pleasant. He’s handsome, but not a pretty boy. He came up the ranks the hard way…paid his dues on 50 cc motorcycles, off-road racing, the local tracks, and ASA.  He’s the best focking driver in NASCAR. But….but…he bores the crap out of me. And not just me….even his fans are not as crazily enthused with him, as, for example, Junior’s fans are (obviously). Hell…Jeff Gordon’s fans are more passionate. Even Matt Kenseth sparks up more enthusiasm among his fan base.

So why have I not shot myself in the head yet?  Or hammered a wooden stake through my heart? As Jeff Gordon says, “I just think it depends on the rivalries and the stories…What we need is Kyle Busch and [Tony] Stewart to be butting heads, banging one another and talking trash. That would be good television.”

Wait. What?? Did I just actually quote Jeff Gordon?? Bring me that wooden stake and a ball-peen hammer….

Read the rest of this entry »

No matter how good or satisfying the results were (to some) at Kansas this past weekend, no matter that Smoke won the Price Chopper 400 and Mark Martin increased his lead a bit….no matter how good that might be…the spectre of Jimmie Johnson and Chad Knaus still looms over all of them. Smoke and Old Man Martin and even freakin’ Juan Pablo Montoya are tiny precious little creatures who will ultimately be swept away. Martin’s tenuous 18 point lead, Smoke’s big win on Sunday….all moments in a sun that is soon to be snuffed out.

“Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!”

To be honest, I’m getting a bit tired of this. After all, why wait for Thursday night to write some almost half-hearted post about an exciting race at a track that I truly enjoy (Kansas Speedway).  It’s almost as if after 364 un-birthdays, with un-birthday cakes and un-birthday presents, the party is no longer very partyful. That’s what it feels like. Despite anyenjoyment or fun one can momentarily feel, there is also an impending feeling of doom…. The Wicked Witch of The West, and The Queen of Hearts, and the Jabberwocky all rolled into one.

`Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall:
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King’s horses and all the King’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty in his place again.‘

One can only hope…

Read the rest of this entry »